Over the past 18 years I have severely struggled with my weight. I have never blamed my weight on anything other than my passion for food. Everything I have been given I dealt myself but my dependency on food was becoming an addiction. The way we live our lives today fast food is always the most convenient substitute for time. Eat in the car, eat out after baseball practice, or Cub Scouts. Whenever we have a birthday or promotion or holiday the first thing we do is go to a restaurant and celebrate! I tried over the years after my son was born to lose the weight myself. Weight Watchers seemed to work the best for me, I lost 4 sizes in a few months but then my uncle passed away and again we were back to the fast food for convenience because of traveling. After that one stint of fast food I could not break the habit no matter how hard I tried.
In May of 2007, after over a year of deciding and health checkups, I opted to have bariatric weight loss surgery (otherwise known as the Lap Band). I was against the surgery from the first suggestion from my physician. I was not about to have this “thing” in me for the rest of my life! I learned more about the surgery and found out that you still have to make healthy eating choices to lose weight. I thought well if I can do that I don’t need to spend the money on the surgery because it won’t work anyway! Well, I decided to go for it. What did I have to lose besides weight right? The day I had my surgery I weighed an astounding 275 pounds! How shameful. What an embarrassment I must have been to my friends and family to have this fat lady around all the time. Who really wanted to look at me waddle around at the pool? What a disgrace I was.
After I had the surgery I was scared to death to eat. I had heard the horror stories about people who ate too much and hurt themselves. I was scared to even take a drink of water. “It is going to hurt”, I would think to myself. Eventually I started off small with the watery mashed potatoes, pudding and jello. I slowly moved to yogurt with fruit chunks and that wasn’t too bad. It was strange to feel the pressure there and to actually realize something was happening when I was eating. As I eased back into food I couldn’t help but try the fast food. Chik-Fil-A was my first solid fast food. A kids meal. I knew it wouldn’t even come close to making me full but I didn’t want to push it. Boy was I WRONG! I could barely finish the meal. It was so filling. Wow this thing is really going to work, I thought to myself! Later that summer we had our annual 4th of July BBQ. I cried. My whole family was eating T-Bone steaks and potato salad and all the fixings. I took 2 bites of meat and I couldn’t eat anymore. It would hurt to eat anything else. How embarrassing to have a plate of food and not be able to finish it. I would look forward to my weekly Friday lunches with my sister. Every Friday we go to lunch as a celebration that it is the end of another long work week! One of the first times we went out after I was back to work we went for Chinese Food. I ordered my usual, Sesame Chicken. Mistake #1. I took one bite and felt some pressure so I thought well I will take a drink of my water to help this thing along through the band. Mistake #2. Then I have water stuck in my throat and breaded chicken stuck in my band. I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t talk because I was scared I would get sick all over the table. Eventually I got up and tried to walk quickly to the bathroom. Thank GOD gravity kicked in as I stood up and pushed the chicken on through my band. Needless to say, I only ate rice the rest of the meal. I had made several more mistakes like this but I learned to work around it. This was not a good thing.
A year passed and I had only lost about 50 pounds. Now I say only but I was under the stupid impression this weight would just melt off. I was depressed. How lame was this? All this pain and suffering and I can’t even eat anything and I’m still FAT! Ok, I thought, it is time to get serious. I went back to my doctor regularly after that and had my weight checked. If I didn’t lose enough weight I made him give me a fill on my band and tighten me up. It had to be the surgery wasn’t working. Eventually the doctor started asking questions. What are you eating? What are you drinking? Well, I was eating normal food. I was drinking pop. I was drinking a cappuccino every day from the gas station. He looked at me like I must be crazy. He told me to cut the cappuccino and cut down on the pop. What a difference little things make. After I cut the cappuccino and cut back on my pop I started to realize I couldn’t eat hardly anything. Beef, what’s that?! Chicken, oh no way! Fish. All I could eat was fish. No hamburgers. No chicken sandwiches. Forget the meat I couldn’t even eat the bun! Uh oh something was going to have to change. Steak, ya right. That was a thing of the past. So, I dealt with it. I started up at the YMCA on the Elliptical 3 days a week. I drank 2-3 bottles of water a day. I ate fish, soup and anything I could get down with ease. The weight started melting. By the end of my 2nd year I had lost a total of 100 pounds!! I was down to 175! Now, this may seem like it is heavy to you, but remember. I was 275 pounds! I went from a size 24 (tight) to a size 14. Amazing. I was so happy. I was not paper thin, I couldn’t wear a bikini but damn it I flaunted it! During the 2nd year I had also dealt with braces. Then I opted to get rid of the red hair and go for natural with blonde highlights it got blonder as the summer went but I loved it! So I had lost 100 pounds AND had straight teeth and was blonde! I looked damn good according to me. I went back “home” in August of that year to see old friends. I actually had someone call me and tell me they wanted me to come see them because they couldn’t believe the pictures I had up of myself on Facebook! I felt so good about myself. FINALLY I was the one that people were looking at saying dang she looks pretty good! I even was with a friend uptown and we got called a couple of “HOT BLONDES” by some drunken guy stumbling through the beer garden. Man. Normally I would say what a drunk but I felt good. I felt good to be the one whistled at!
Two months later, I was pregnant. Oh well, I thought, I’m not going to get the band let out. I’ll be fine. Boy was I wrong. I was puking everything up. I mean EVERYTHING. So they let it all out. What freedom! I could eat!! During my pregnancy I only gained 30 pounds. It doesn’t seem like much but I was humiliated. What a waste. I lost all that weight and now look at me. Fat AGAIN! Since Kherington was born I have had trouble getting back on the bandwagon but I’m getting back into the groove. I have lost about 15 pounds of the baby weight but it is not falling off fast enough for me. I am starting back into the YMCA routine and getting more appointments booked with the doctor to get filled up again.
Ok so finally, the reason I am writing this is because I am SO SICK AND TIRED of people out there who say that people who have bariatric surgery get the easy way out. It is not an easy way out and anybody who tells you that is FULL of bullshit. It is hard work, it’s embarrassing. If you eat the wrong thing at a family meal you have to get up in the middle of the meal and book it to the bathroom. It doesn’t just happen overnight and it takes work. You have to work at it from more than just cutting back on your food intake. You can’t eat whatever you want. It is a LIFESTYLE change. It is nothing more than a diet with a helping hand. If you are overweight and need some help I urge you to look into this helping hand. Do I get mad I can’t eat what everyone else is eating? Yes. Do I get frustrated when I am thirsty and I can’t drink a whole bottle of water within a few minutes? Absolutely. Worst part... I can’t even do a shot at the bar! HA! I have to take it in 3 separate sips. But guess what... I get drunk quicker! HA HA! Don’t believe everything you hear. Get a professional opinion and if the option is given to you for this help, take it. Take it, Take it, and Take it! Thank you, Dr. Holloway for giving me a helping hand at my weight loss. I may hate you when I’m out to eat with friends but I am thankful in the end. I’ll get back down there eventually and maybe this summer someone will be whistling at me again! I have put before and after pics of myself below. Take a look. I actually like getting my picture taken now!
