So for the past month or so I have been feeling sorry for
myself, in a deep depression. I lost
what I thought was a good friend, I didn’t get a job that I thought I should
have, our budget has been getting worse and worse, it seems my life is slowly
tumbling down hill. No one seems to
understand, I can’t quite get to that group of friends who are in the same boat
as me. I have been beaten. A year ago I had it all…. A fantastic job, freedom with my hours at
work, a whole HOUR lunch (oh my GOD what would that be like again!?) money to
do mostly anything we wanted, friends who wanted to go do things and hang with
us and our kids. Fast forward 12
months. Ya, not so much…. I have
nothing. I am nothing, I am a nobody.
What I can’t understand is what is it about this place? What is it about this town?! Back home I had friends. I STILL have friends. Friends that would move mountains for
me. Friends that don’t care if I can’t
be there for every waking God Damn moment of their life but know that I will
still be there if they call in the middle of the night just needing to hear my
voice. Friends who would jump in their
car at 3 o clock on a Sunday afternoon to drive 4 hours and have a drink with
me just because. And you know what…. They don’t care that my husband is there or
tags along. They don’t care that my kids
are here. If my house is messy tough
shit, they don’t care. They will sleep
on the couch and cuddle with my humping dog.
Why? Because. Because they love me for me. These friends are guy friends, girl friends,
friends that I have had for over 20 years.
But for some reason I can’t keep a friend here for a year? How the hell does that even happen?! This town is full of drama that’s why. More than any other place I have ever lived
in my entire life. The saddest part is,
that this place even is SO dramatic that the shit drags over into the workplace. People are actually NOT hiring people because
you are not part of the popular group!
I have one really close friend that I call every day out
here. She keeps me sane. She’s my nig.
Her and her husband are some pretty cool peeps. At least they are honest and tell us if we
are stupid up front and don’t hide it or gossip it. Seriously.
At 35 and 40 I would think I could be past that but, I guess. Scottsbluff and Gering didn’t pass that… the further west you go the longer it
takes??
Well the point of this is, Saturday night a good friend told
me something that kind of made me sit back and think. He said, “Don’t let your job define who you
are.” Well dammit he was right. Why should I let anything like that define
who I am. My friends, my job anything
like that? They don’t pick who I
am. I am who I am and no one will ever
change that. If you don’t like that, you
can seriously EFF OFF! Seriously….
Sometimes I stick my foot in my mouth and a lot of times
people think I come off as a bitch but you know what I have feelings too. I get tired of being the one who gets run
over all of the time. It ends now. I am tired of taking the shit in this
town. I am no longer the newbie. I don’t have to deal with your bullshit and I
have plenty of others who I can spend my time with rather than wasting it on
those who don’t appreciate me for me. I
am not going to beg for your friendship, or beg for a job… I am who I am and a real friend or real
employer should see who I am. I am
me. I am somebody. I am NOT nothing.
