During the run, our son ran into a friend of ours who mentioned that some goings on might be happening that night but we never heard anything from the usual group of our "family" friends where we hang with their families and the kids get to have fun, etc.. so we just went on and stayed home for the evening. We sat home and waited for the call that never came, went to bed and woke up the next morning to start another day.
Well, that's where Social Media gets the best of us right? Where our "friends" come in? Maybe I'm just too polite, or I read people's signals wrong. Maybe, just maybe, I read them ENTIRELY too wrong. Wrong for years I guess. So the friends had their get together. They just "forgot" to let us know, AGAIN. I understand if it was a one time ordeal, but as of late it keeps on happening and it just hurts. I spent the day trying to understand what it was that we did. What did I do? Was it me? Was it my kids? Was Kherington too much to handle while we were there? Did the boys not get along with Lawrence? Do the wives not like me that much? Then it hit me. It's definitely me. It HAS to be me. A few weeks ago the same thing happened. All of the wives went out for drinks right after college classes got out and I would have DEFINITELY been down to go out. I mean you guys for sure see me whining about all the homework I had right? I was READY to get out of the house. Ya, I didn't get invited. When I mentioned it, they said "Oh Cari, next time for sure!"... for sure. Well, you kind of forgot me next time. The very next week, we had a get together, the wives all sat in another room ignoring me. It's me.
So, guess what. It's time for me to do what's right for me now. I'm damn tired of walking on eggshells around you. You can keep posting your "memes" on Social Media about me if you want, until YOU come forward with your apologies I am done dealing. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in my life is doing what is right for them right now and my entire life is falling apart going down the drain. I have cried almost non-stop for about 2 months and my "friends" could give two shits. I've had no one to talk to about it besides two or three people. My whole world is turning completely upside down in less than two weeks and really I feel like no one could give a shit. I haven't had a "girls" night in almost 2 years. Something has GOT to give. My parents are moving away in less than a month, my sister is gone, my "friends" who I thought were my friends were never really my friends. ESPECIALLY if they are continually posting crap on Social Media in reference to me instead of approaching me questioning me that it might be a misunderstanding. Apparently... it wasn't.
It's got to end, there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even know which way is out. I guess I feel like I've been lied to for so long, I don't know what is real and what isn't. Now that it's all out in the open... you all know my dirty little secrets, there's nothing left to be said. I'll sift through the rubble that is left, wearing my heart on my sleeve like I always do and start at square one again. 11 days short of age 37 in a town that is not that familiar to me, with very little family left here. Thankfully I have the very few, very close ones, that I know without a doubt that I can call my family. That will be there for me. For that, I am thankful. Until the rest is figured out, I guess I'll just continue to try to smile because, a girl can't cry all the time.
