In October of 2014 I started having some pretty hard back pains and a lot of night time coughing. I didn't quite understand what was going on. I just figured I was eating really late and not keeping to the right diet. I slowed down on my coffee and acid intake. I didn't drink alcohol after 8 and then some weird things started happening. I would get up in the morning, eat my normal english muffin with peanut butter and of course the soda I could never go without and then something small for lunch. Dinner was always my biggest meal, even though I had always read it should be the other way around, this was just what worked for me. I would eat a little spaghetti, or a piece of chicken and I could not keep anything down. One night, it got awful. During dinner, again I couldn't keep anything down and I went in like I had been each night and everything came back up. This time, it wasn't just dinner... it was lunch too. What the heck was going on? I called the on call doctor right away and questioned whether I should be in the ER. He told me to go on liquids only and be in the office in the morning. They let all of the fluid out of my band and did a ton of tests and x-rays on me, and thankfully it was swollen but not slipped or broken. It needed to "rest" for a while and then we could fill it again. What I didn't realize was, this meant starting over. The worst part about starting over for me was, each appointment was paid for in full by me. Our insurance companies no longer see what the necessity of this surgery is. The best part? I could eat food....
That weekend I went to Deadwood and boy did I celebrate my new found freedom. I drank beer, I ate cheeseburgers, pizza, french fries... I ate it ALL. Who cares, I thought? I have the band... I can lose it again in like a month. Boy, did I have a lesson to learn. When I went for my appointment to get my fill, I thought ok... get me back up to my 8 cc's of fluid and I'm ready to take off that 15 pounds of fun I gained. WRONG. They gave me 2 cc's. I could only get 2 every time I got a fill. Now, you can judge all you want, but eating is an addiction... it's like a drug to some people. If you haven't been able to have it for a while and then you get it back, it's unreal. I gained 5 lbs a week. All of the sudden I was at 165 lbs. I gained 40 lbs. 40 POUNDS. That is almost the equivalent to the weight of Kherington. I could not keep up. $75 for each appointment was killing me, buying all new clothes that fit was insane... what was happening??! My back started aching even more from the sudden weight gain, my self-esteem was gone. How... how?
A year later I had still only gained the 40 pounds and I'm still in school. I'm finally able to afford to get filled to about a 7 but I'm having gastritis issues because of all of the medication for my back, so then we have to let the lap band out again for a scope to be done on my stomach. I begged the nurse to fill it up immediately. She agreed on the condition that I would go up to the office immediately after my scope, drugged up or not. Oh, how painful that was. I felt like someone was standing on my chest or stabbing me. I did it, I put up with it. I made the sacrifice because I didn't want to gain the weight.
I continued to get my fills and am now filled to an 8.5 or a 9, but still gained weight. How was this even happening? I would only eat breakfast, no lunch or lunch and no dinner... which for my old routine was how I did things. What was I doing different? I went to see a Dr. and found out that a medication I was on for these back problems caused rapid weight gain. NICE. So, 2 years later, I have gained 65 pounds. 65 POUNDS. I am now off the medication and am taking a different approach.
Over the next 5 days we are taking the steps to "retrain" my lapband. It's been done by several patients and I've researched it. The first thing to do is a 5 day pouch test. To basically get yourself feeling like a "newbie" again. This is where I will need the help. Leon has committed and so have the kids. Tomorrow will be tough. Days 1 & 2 are liquid proteins. Low carb protein shakes, broth, clear and cream soups, puddings and jellos... Day 3 is soft proteins. Canned Fish, Canned Chicken, Eggs, Soft Fresh Fish. Day 4 is Firm Protein. Ground Meat, Shellfish, Scallops. Day 5 is Solid Protein. White Meat Poultry, Turkey, Steak. I have to drink 48 oz of water a day (I drink almost zero water lately). I can only eat for 15 minutes at a time... this has always been a rule, and I always forget to follow it. 4-6 ounce portion sizes. Starting over. Of course I can eat more than this. Do I need to? No. Eat until satisfied, not until overly full.
So, that's the story. That's where I'm pulling myself out. I need help, I'll need support. I need you all cheering in my corner. I miss my small self. I sure miss my skinny jeans, my skinny boots and those teeny shirts I wore. I kept it all. I'm never getting rid of it because it's GOING to fit again. Soon.
Thanks for listening to me, and for caring. I know you do. Thanks for pulling me out of that puddle.
