Mirror check...make that change.

Over the past few weeks, my kids have been watching Glee on Netflix and it has been wonderful to see the shine in their eyes when the kids sing on the show.  Although it's not reality, it's something wonderful to see that they dream of doing something like that in their life.  They have a dream that has to do with the arts and music and that makes my soul feel wonderful inside.

Today when I crawled out of bed and brewed my cup of coffee my daughter was watching Glee, of course, and the kids were competing in some contest and ended their competition with "Man in the Mirror".  I went into instant goosebumps and knew that I had finally hit the nail on the head with what I wanted to write my blog about this month.  I've been trying to write for two weeks, I click on my new post and I can't ever finish. 

It's the holidays. We all have our routines that we follow during the holidays with our families and friends.  The baking, the dinners, the parties and decorating.  The constant asking for this and that from the kids and making of lists for Santa, shopping and wrapping and checking each list to be sure that you didn't forget anyone.  Does this all sound familiar to you?  Let me shed some light on why I'm looking in the mirror this Christmas.


I spent my Thanksgiving Day crying this year.  Crying because I knew that I wouldn't be able to go Black Friday shopping to pick up the sale prices I needed to pick up for those perfect gifts on my kids' Christmas lists.  Then I was crying because I fought with my father about being on my cell phone, trying to work and make money by booking an event or sell a sponsorship or an ad or a website so that I could make some money to spend even 50 dollars on Black Friday on just one single gift.  Then I cried because I got a text message that my phone was scheduled to be shut off in the morning.  Everything was coming to fruition.  My medical bills were crazy, I had been kicked off of unemployment for a week because of surgery, and my new self employment idea was going off to a not so good start.  I cried, all through dinner.  The best part about social media is that I get to live a life that's not my real life.  Pictures speak a completely different language than reality. 

So, today when I heard that song it kind of spoke to me.  I mixed that along with a video that I saw on social media the other day and I felt like it really captured what Christmas was about for us every year, but I was focusing on the wrong thing so much this year.  My family has always been an enormously giving family.  I've provided food, gas, Christmas trees, decorations and gifts for others in need.  This year some other families helped us during a couple of tough times and we were so grateful.  My kiddos have learned that  it's not about the expensive gifts.  Do they ask for them still?  Sure, but it's just in hopes that maybe Santa might pull through.  Their lists are relatively small and the gifts are all simple.  Things like guitar strings, color books, markers.  Simplistic things. 

This is where I feel I have succeeded in life.  With my children.  When my son saw me struggling on Thanksgiving, he brought me a 50 dollar bill and with tears in his eyes asked me to buy a Christmas tree for his sister.  He had been saving his mowing money the last few months to go Black Friday shopping himself because he knows there are always great deals on video games on those days.  I gave the money back and told him that I would find a great tree and for him to use the money he earned.  My daughter keeps trying to do things around the house to earn money to buy her hedgehog Theo his own gifts from her.  These are the gifts that I ask for at Christmas.  I want to see the giving spirit and kindness reflected from myself into my kids.  Kind of like looking at myself in the mirror, if you will.

I believe that the help we received during our hard times and the help that we have given to others really has helped teach my children how it feels to give.  We make sure to involve our kids when we deliver Meals on Wheels and they love to help deliver the meals.  You see, to us the holidays are supposed to be about smiles, and laughter.  They should be about friends and family.  Spend the holidays with those you love.  Have a sleepover on the living room floor with your best friends who don't have anyone to spend the holidays with.  In my family, your friends are family and they always will be.  My home is always your home and you are always welcome.  Lord knows that we make enough food to feed a hundred people at the holidays. 

This year, make sure that you are being the person that you want to see a reflection of yourself in your children.  Do that mirror check... make that change.  Is the man in the mirror who you want to see or do you need to fix something to make a difference?  Start with you, change your ways and open your mind.  Merry Christmas everyone!  I love you all for the enormous support you have always shown me in my writings and my family in our adventures.

~Carianne

Climb, don't jump over those puddles...

The past two months in our household has been an unbelievable whirlwind.  In 60 days, I left my position at the newspaper, went into partnership to start an event marketing company, started school again and completely turned my life around. 

I never completely learned in that moment how important it was for these words to ring true.  "Always stay humble and kind."  I have these words written on my fridge in the kitchen of my home.  The last two months have been the best two months in the last 5 years in our house and I can't even tell any more of the truth than this.  The love felt in our house has been amazing.  Our kids are getting along, we are more in love than we have been since we were dating, it's like our lives completely started over.  We are happy.  How did we do it?  We sat down and really looked at how we wanted to be happy.  What made us happy?  Money?  Cars?  Fancy TV's or material things?  No.  Love, family and friends made us happy. 

We realized that a big fancy job didn't need to be had to make us happy.  We needed to strap down, budget better and DO what made us happy.  Work was making me miserable.  I loved what I did, I loved the people I worked with, I just needed to be here.  I needed to not defend my job.  I wanted to do what I was doing, but on my terms with my creative ideas with my freedom.  The creative side of me needs to have freedom and when she's locked up, she gets angry!  I had to be able to be free, but all along I worked hard.  Through that, these words rang true..."Don't expect a free ride from no one, don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why:  Bitterness keeps you from flyin'.  Always stay humble and kind." 

First of all, I thank my partner and best friend K.C.  He sees in me the passion and drive.  He has faith that I can do what I set to do.  When he offered to let me partner in IC Promo, I couldn't believe what he was actually saying.  Was I scared?  Absolutely.  Am I bringing in a paycheck?  Not yet... but I will, and in the meantime, I have other options.  I have never had a friend who trusted me the way he does, and when we went on our booking trip to Deadwood last weekend, my friendships shone through.  I was able to bring that in to start helping my business and bring business to my friends.  For that I am thankful.  Music is my life and I am so happy to be able to bring that into my career.

My marketing skills are some of the best and I plan like no other.  If anyone wants to question my planning skills, just ask my mother.  Let's talk about a Thanksgiving Dinner or Christmas Dinner.  Better yet... ask my husband about a list for just cleaning the house.  I am the most organized person you will ever get to know and I am proud of it.  However, I learned not to brag, I learned to offer and show with kindness.  Your friends may not stay with you forever, but those that matter will and often they will become your family.  As you grow older you will recognize that. 

Teach your kids kindness.  Teach them to be happy, friendly and above all to have manners.  You want your son or daughter to be the one that their teacher stops you at the store and tells you they are the most respectful one in class.  Remember your roots.  Manners go a long way, kindness goes a long way.  I don't know if it's because of how I was raised or just because of us really taking the time to sit down as a family and talk about how we all feel.  We don't want to fight, we don't want stress, we don't want to hate each other.  We never did, so why did it change.  We have always been a family who will help others, a family who will fight to the death for our friends and family members.  We are who we are.  If I can help you, I will and it will always be that way. 

Show your kindness, be humble and you will see what changes.  Take a piece of paper, write it on a post it note, or just on a dry erase board.  The kids see it, I promise they will think about it.  Love emulates, pay it forward in any way you can.  Money isn't everything... don't make it that way. "Don't take for granted the love this life gives you.  When you get where you're going don't forget, turn back around and help the next one in line.  Always stay humble and kind."

Dancing in the Rain to the Music of your Life

Some people listen to music every day, some people can take it or leave it.  I, however connect with it.  Music has been a part of my life for as long as I remember.  Music to me is the one thing that can bring me to a place in every single point of my life.  When I was a little girl, driving on the country roads with my mother singing to Carly Simon and Juice Newton.  Listening to Johnny Cash at the Lunch Table with my Dad after Paul Harvey on the farm.  When Uncle Doug would show up on the farm blasting his Rock and Roll, I will never forget him gifting me my first cassette tape of Blue Oyster Cult.  Godzilla was my favorite song at 5 years old.  

Maybe I'm a strange breed.  Every day of my life involves music.  This past weekend I was blessed to see one of my favorite bands from Austin, TX for the second time.  The Band of Heathens.  I was introduced to them through some musician friends of ours.  Now, let me take a few steps back.  These musician friends of ours probably wouldn't even be friends of mine at all had I not taken a minute to introduce myself to them because of the fact that I am a severe creeper when it comes to me loving live music so much.  I am kind of a groupie.  When a band or musician comes around that I love, I sort of become a stalker.  I would venture out to say that 98 percent of the musicians in town know who I am, if not 100 percent.  Why?  It was my dream to become a performer.  I love to sing.  After my high school graduation I shot myself in the foot and gave up on that dream.  That story is for another time.  When I meet all of these musicians, it makes my eyes shine and a smile come to my face to hear how they get to do what they love.  Mind you, some don't do it full time, but just even doing it at all would be fun.

Seeing The Band of Heathens this weekend really got me to thinking what music has done for me in my life, especially recently with some times I have spent with some of my very best friends and even by myself.  I can always go into a release of my mind listening to The Band of Heathens.  They are so mellow and I can just connect with their music.  The band is so genuine and personable.  They talk to their fans, they thanked us for driving down to the show again.  Remember who our friends are and take the time out of their schedule to at least say hello.  We go to other concerts, pay money for big name bands, who we love as well, but have never been to a concert where we get an experience like this.  

Once a year I attend a Singer/Songwriter's Festival in Deadwood, and it is fantastic.  Musicians are everywhere.  Through the festival I have met a few more musicians because of my severe stalker status.  I also just go to enjoy the music.  It might surprise you who has written some of your favorite songs once you attend a festival like this.  I've seen rock and roll band members who write country and pop music and cried tears watching artists like Michelle Branch sing acoustic right before me and then talk to me like I'm one of their close friends.  

This.  This is the music of your life.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  If you sit and really think about it, every person can connect a time in your life with a song.  A memory with a song.  I know one memory that I will always connect with a song is the memory of my dear friend Tami.  When 5 to Life would play, we would wait for them to play Journey.  She and Kendall and Leon and I would get right in front of the stage.  We used our drinks for microphones and sang at the top of our lungs!  It took a long time after she passed away for me to hear that song.  I remember the weekend after she died someone played it on the jukebox and I had to step outside.  It wasn't fair.  I never wanted to hear it again.  I even requested my musician at my graduation to not play it at all.  Well, I basically threatened him.  Now, it's me playing it on the jukebox.  Memories and music are a good part of your life.  You dance to the beat of your own drum.  If you aren't dancing to the music, what will you do?  

Finding a way to learn through the storms

In my last blog I mentioned that I was going to be going through my journals and re-writing the topics that I wrote in 1995 during my Senior English class.  These past few weeks have been more than tough, so when I ran across this next entry I found it to be the most appropriate to write about.

"The successful adult continues to learn all his life."

Back in 1995 I stated that I didn't necessarily agree with this statement.  I'll give you a few bits and pieces of my journaling back then and I will write how I feel about this statement now.  In my younger years I felt that as an adult we may continue to learn many things but not all people do.  I felt that successful adults might not ever learn the value of a friend, the value of trust, or the value of other people's feelings.  This would be determined by what we defined as successful in our minds.  At that time, successful was determined to me by money.  Every dollar bill controlled our lives.  If your main goal in life was to be successful in money, your may never really be successful at all if you don't have your friends and family around.  You could continue to learn intellectually, but not from within your heart.  

I was really feeling something there, at such a young age.  What provoked it?  Nothing I suppose.  We as a family were not financially successful, but we were successful in knowing the value of family.  We were grounded and close together.  I am confident this was the base of my journal at that time.  So, let me see where I am on this topic now.

Does the successful adult continue to learn all of their life?  Absolutely.  I learn something new every single day.  Today I learned something new about a new software system being used at my workplace.  You will always be successful if you continue to be open to learning something new.  This openness doesn't mean being open to learning something new at work or to training your brain with book knowledge.  Learn something about yourself.  Learn something about your best friend, your kids, your parents, your siblings, or your spouse.  Ask questions and start a genuine conversation.  Surprise yourself and see how long you can have a conversation without complaining about work, gossiping about someone or how awful your life may seem.  Sing a song in the car with your best friend as high as the volume will go.  Take a walk and catch up on things you and your friend have never discussed.  Earn the trust of others.  Learn the value of their feelings.  Learn the value of trust.  Heck, learn those lyrics to the songs at karaoke night the next time you go!  Everyday make it a goal to learn something new.  

This past few weeks, I have learned that feelings from others are genuine.  Some pretend, and you can learn how to identify that.  Your children will teach you every day.  You will learn how to use the newest technology, you will learn about the newest trends in fashion, the newest music and even about their girlfriends and boyfriends.  We will learn something everyday.  The minute you stop learning, is the minute you stop living.  Take a breath and learn to weather your storms.  Learn how to live through them.  Learn who to lean on when you need help.  You will live life to the fullest with every bit of knowledge you gain.    

Create Your Own Sunshine

I'm going to try something new, I'll see if I can stick to it.  Over the weekend I found an old journal from my 12th Grade English Class and it had a lot of inspirational journal topics.  As I was reading over them, I thought I should give them all a try again.  Something to get me back on my feet writing. I'll still write a few of my usual blogs, my rants and raves.  This is just a little extra to keep things fresh.  Let's get this thing started.

"What you say says who you are."

When I wrote my original journal entry on August 24, 1995, Social Media did not exist.  The small reflection talked about people who do not speak intelligently, or who may use slang words.  I referenced the fact that stereotypes could be placed on those people and may make them seem uneducated.  I also reflected on those who talk incessantly (yes I used that word in 12th Grade) about their lifestyle.  Those who bragged about this new thing or that, their new car, clothes or hair style.  This would make a person seem "cool" or "tough" to others.  At that time, my end of my journal said, "I think if you have to say something to represent who you are, you may be no one at all."

I may have just had it back then I think.  Things really haven't changed have they?  With all of the Social Media and constant lifestyle of technology, we are constantly living up to other's standards.  Why aren't we living up to our own standards?  Are we trying to be skinny for ourselves or for someone else's perspective of us?  Do you "check-in" to the gym to prove something?  What about the times when you are out eating at a fancy restaurant.  Don't forget to take a picture of that food!  Hey, I'm guilty... I do it all the time.  I have a great friend that calls me out on it all the time.  Why do I do it though?  Wow, why do I do it?  Wait!  Let's get a family photo in front of this cool fountain.  Don't forget to use the hashtag #iloveus or #familytime.

What you say says who you are?  Are you really this person, or are you living up to the standards of someone else?  Do you want everyone else to see the happy?  Be happy on your own, and don't make the mistake of others happiness for you determining your happiness.  Create your own happy.

The Hidden Raindrops

Today has been an awful day in our community.  A day that in our small town we don’t face often.  It happens all too often in many places, but we like to think that it would never happen here.  At times we say, “My child would never do that!”, or “I know that my child is very aware they can talk to me before they would take their own life.”  Are you completely sure?

A child, a classmate of my son took their own life.  I will not speculate or give details.  The important facts are that the details do not matter.  Whether the child was bullied or happy, a male or female does not matter.  What matters is that this child is no longer with us.  The parents have lost their child.  The friends have lost their friend.   

I sit and think that this could be my child, my neighbor’s child, my niece or nephew instead of this child.  The “what if’s” are so strong right now.  What if my son is having trouble with his math homework and I don’t know?  What if he has a girlfriend behind my back?  What if someone is giving him trouble at school?  Does everyone on the baseball team get along with him ok?  Is it really my job to care and worry about all of that stuff?  Surely it isn’t.  No one had to look after me like that when I was younger did they? 

When I was in high school kids were mean.  We’ve all been there.  We had the jocks, the preps, the geeks and the ones who just didn’t fit in anywhere.  I think I was one of the ones who didn’t fit in anywhere.  I was overweight, I had just moved to town, and my last name wasn’t one of the “well known” ones if you know what I mean.  We moved a lot when we were kids so I didn’t have a lot of solid friends.  Having your locker rigged was a regular thing when you didn’t fit in, you didn’t want to shower in PE.  You tried to dress like the popular girls even if you didn’t have the money, and it was hard to make your parents understand.  Boyfriends come and go; they make you feel good and horrible all at the same time.  Bullies would wait for you after school or before sometimes.  Mean girls were the worst.  They come up with some of the best nicknames don’t they? 

My point is, nobody fits in everywhere, and that’s a shame.  I still see it.  How can we stop it?  We can’t.  It will never end.  It’s an everyday lifestyle for children and adults.  We see it every day!  What are we teaching our kids today?  Political bullying, workplace bullying, gossip at the salon, fights at the night club, it happens everywhere we go.  Why else don’t we fit in?  Are we overweight?  Is your sexual preference different than someone feels it should be?  Is the color of your skin wrong according to someone else?  Wait…  you were born on a farm.  That has to be it! 

Today I learned many things.  Things like, it doesn’t matter exactly what my son did to bring up his grade in a certain class, but it did matter how his day went and that I heard the new joke that he had to tell at the dinner table.  I learned that it didn’t matter that my daughter made a mess on the living room drawing and painting, but it did matter when she told me that they sang the “Haircut” song to her friend at school today when they all saw her friend’s new haircut.  We need to stop.  We all need to STOP.  We need to stop and learn from our kids, let them be kids, love their smiles, love their life, love them for being our kids.  Stop CONSTANTLY edging at them to be better students, better at sports, to have the best manners of all others.  Let them be our children.  Let them be our sunshine and our life while they can.  Tomorrow we might not get to ask these things of them and we’ll forever be asking ourselves why we didn’t live life while we had the chance.

One final thought.  Before you ask yourself why you haven’t heard about this horrible tragedy from anyone other than your children, your friends or on social media, ask yourself this one simple question.  Would you want to hear about the tragedy in the news?  Don’t expect to hear about it in the news.  It’s a tragedy.  It’s a loss.  Respect the family, the same as you would expect people to respect yours.  Imagine if this was your child, give the family time to breathe.  Let them cry.  I would be devastated and am devastated.  Bless this family and the dear child.  Let the Lord catch this child’s hidden raindrops now and dry their tears.