Create Your Own Sunshine

I'm going to try something new, I'll see if I can stick to it.  Over the weekend I found an old journal from my 12th Grade English Class and it had a lot of inspirational journal topics.  As I was reading over them, I thought I should give them all a try again.  Something to get me back on my feet writing. I'll still write a few of my usual blogs, my rants and raves.  This is just a little extra to keep things fresh.  Let's get this thing started.

"What you say says who you are."

When I wrote my original journal entry on August 24, 1995, Social Media did not exist.  The small reflection talked about people who do not speak intelligently, or who may use slang words.  I referenced the fact that stereotypes could be placed on those people and may make them seem uneducated.  I also reflected on those who talk incessantly (yes I used that word in 12th Grade) about their lifestyle.  Those who bragged about this new thing or that, their new car, clothes or hair style.  This would make a person seem "cool" or "tough" to others.  At that time, my end of my journal said, "I think if you have to say something to represent who you are, you may be no one at all."

I may have just had it back then I think.  Things really haven't changed have they?  With all of the Social Media and constant lifestyle of technology, we are constantly living up to other's standards.  Why aren't we living up to our own standards?  Are we trying to be skinny for ourselves or for someone else's perspective of us?  Do you "check-in" to the gym to prove something?  What about the times when you are out eating at a fancy restaurant.  Don't forget to take a picture of that food!  Hey, I'm guilty... I do it all the time.  I have a great friend that calls me out on it all the time.  Why do I do it though?  Wow, why do I do it?  Wait!  Let's get a family photo in front of this cool fountain.  Don't forget to use the hashtag #iloveus or #familytime.

What you say says who you are?  Are you really this person, or are you living up to the standards of someone else?  Do you want everyone else to see the happy?  Be happy on your own, and don't make the mistake of others happiness for you determining your happiness.  Create your own happy.

The Hidden Raindrops

Today has been an awful day in our community.  A day that in our small town we don’t face often.  It happens all too often in many places, but we like to think that it would never happen here.  At times we say, “My child would never do that!”, or “I know that my child is very aware they can talk to me before they would take their own life.”  Are you completely sure?

A child, a classmate of my son took their own life.  I will not speculate or give details.  The important facts are that the details do not matter.  Whether the child was bullied or happy, a male or female does not matter.  What matters is that this child is no longer with us.  The parents have lost their child.  The friends have lost their friend.   

I sit and think that this could be my child, my neighbor’s child, my niece or nephew instead of this child.  The “what if’s” are so strong right now.  What if my son is having trouble with his math homework and I don’t know?  What if he has a girlfriend behind my back?  What if someone is giving him trouble at school?  Does everyone on the baseball team get along with him ok?  Is it really my job to care and worry about all of that stuff?  Surely it isn’t.  No one had to look after me like that when I was younger did they? 

When I was in high school kids were mean.  We’ve all been there.  We had the jocks, the preps, the geeks and the ones who just didn’t fit in anywhere.  I think I was one of the ones who didn’t fit in anywhere.  I was overweight, I had just moved to town, and my last name wasn’t one of the “well known” ones if you know what I mean.  We moved a lot when we were kids so I didn’t have a lot of solid friends.  Having your locker rigged was a regular thing when you didn’t fit in, you didn’t want to shower in PE.  You tried to dress like the popular girls even if you didn’t have the money, and it was hard to make your parents understand.  Boyfriends come and go; they make you feel good and horrible all at the same time.  Bullies would wait for you after school or before sometimes.  Mean girls were the worst.  They come up with some of the best nicknames don’t they? 

My point is, nobody fits in everywhere, and that’s a shame.  I still see it.  How can we stop it?  We can’t.  It will never end.  It’s an everyday lifestyle for children and adults.  We see it every day!  What are we teaching our kids today?  Political bullying, workplace bullying, gossip at the salon, fights at the night club, it happens everywhere we go.  Why else don’t we fit in?  Are we overweight?  Is your sexual preference different than someone feels it should be?  Is the color of your skin wrong according to someone else?  Wait…  you were born on a farm.  That has to be it! 

Today I learned many things.  Things like, it doesn’t matter exactly what my son did to bring up his grade in a certain class, but it did matter how his day went and that I heard the new joke that he had to tell at the dinner table.  I learned that it didn’t matter that my daughter made a mess on the living room drawing and painting, but it did matter when she told me that they sang the “Haircut” song to her friend at school today when they all saw her friend’s new haircut.  We need to stop.  We all need to STOP.  We need to stop and learn from our kids, let them be kids, love their smiles, love their life, love them for being our kids.  Stop CONSTANTLY edging at them to be better students, better at sports, to have the best manners of all others.  Let them be our children.  Let them be our sunshine and our life while they can.  Tomorrow we might not get to ask these things of them and we’ll forever be asking ourselves why we didn’t live life while we had the chance.

One final thought.  Before you ask yourself why you haven’t heard about this horrible tragedy from anyone other than your children, your friends or on social media, ask yourself this one simple question.  Would you want to hear about the tragedy in the news?  Don’t expect to hear about it in the news.  It’s a tragedy.  It’s a loss.  Respect the family, the same as you would expect people to respect yours.  Imagine if this was your child, give the family time to breathe.  Let them cry.  I would be devastated and am devastated.  Bless this family and the dear child.  Let the Lord catch this child’s hidden raindrops now and dry their tears.