Today I have a great deal weighing on me. My heart is so heavy. Our community has been so full of sadness for so long, we yearn for something good to happen. The hate in our country is just overflowing and I don't know how we will ever get it out of our system. Racism, hate, bullying, harassment, there just isn't an end to what is wrong in our world today. However, today... today in our small community I saw more hate and evil than I could ever see and it brought physical pain to me.
Let me tell you a story about how the past few months have played out in our home. My daughter, as most of you know was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy when she was age 3. It took until she was age 3 because of some delays in paperwork and doctors who didn't agree with what they saw. My daughter did not crawl until she was 1 year old and she did not walk until she was 2. From the age of 3 to 5 she was in daycare and preschool. She had developmental delays as expected from children with Cerebral Palsy which delayed her speech, fine motor skills, walking, running and a lot of things in her life. She was given inserts into her shoes to help the wide gap in her hips and also to lower the amount of toe walking she did when she was younger. As she grew older she became very frustrated with the lack of communication she was able to have with other kids, teachers, caretakers, her brother, her cousins, grandparents and even us as her parents. She would throw "fits" throwing her head back, crying and as she got older the fits would resemble rage as they grew longer and longer. She cried and cried and cried. We were heartbroken because we could not understand why she threw her "tantrums" as they were called by her caretakers. As we learned throughout her preschool years, these were normal for children of Cerebral Palsy who often became frustrated that they were unable to work as fast as other children, or were feeling inadequate in the classroom. The children often feel the need to have immediate attention from an adult or whomever is in charge. Their pencil needs sharpened, or the obsess over having the blue marker that day. There is no definite trigger, but there are compromises that can be made and ways to help comfort or console the child through their frustration.
As my daughter grew and got into the elementary school level we were scared for her. She was adjusted to the Kindergarten level by her best friend being in class with her. Her first year in school was not so bad, we were happy. We thought maybe the worst of her years was behind her. When first grade hit, we were sorely mistaken. Throughout that year, my daughter was kicked out of daycare because of her fits of rage. As a 5 year old, in these "blackout" sessions she was able to lay on the floor and physically lift a teachers desk with her legs almost bringing the desk completely down on herself causing physical harm. The daycare was not educated to care for my daughter and she was asked to leave for fear of harm to staff and other children. I was devastated. My daughter was not a demon child. She didn't do these things at home. It had to be the staff. I found that the staff was restraining her and causing her fits to become worse and worse. She was so worn out that she would fall asleep by 4 in the afternoon from being so tired of screaming and crying throughout the day. My daughter had no way to communicate what her issues were. We moved on and hoped for the best.
In 1st Grade, the fits became awful again. She would start harming herself. She pulled her hair out, she punched herself, she threw things at her teacher. Why was this happening to her? What was setting her off? She again, did not do this at home so what could be happening? We took her to the Doctor again. No issues with her brain, there were no neurological disorders. The Shriners could not help her, they stated that sometimes children have seizure like episodes and that they don't even remember when these things happen. Will this happen forever? What are we going to do? We were scared. Then summer came.
My daughter went to summer camp. She loved it. There were probably a total of 10 incidents the entire summer and she even earned camper of the week. The positive environment really changed her! We were so excited for school to start. She really grew up over the summer we thought to ourselves. We were wrong. The issues had nothing to do with growing up. The issues were all about the environment. My daughter started 2nd Grade. Due to my daughter being a "special needs" child as so BLATANTLY expressed by our local media today, she was on an IEP or an Individual Education Program. This was developed in coordination with us, her principal, her counselor and her therapists at the school. We found out during the first 9 weeks of school that her teachers and administrators were not following her IEP. This set my daughter back quite a bit. Throughout the rest of the school year, we have had to go to the Disability Advocacy and get representation for her, we've had to set up numerous amounts of meetings with the administrators, I've had to take my daughter for Psychological Evaluations, Counseling Sessions, Doctor Appointments and now am dealing with night tremors because of her fears of school. She refers to herself as the worst kid in school. Children laugh at her and make fun of her because she is "naughty" at school. The teachers and administrators try, I think, to the best of their ability. However I think there is so much more that could be done.
Today it was revealed in our community that another "special needs" child had hurt someone, possibly more than once at their school. The hate and anger that was lashed out toward that child was just awful. It was plain despicable. I am hurting tonight. I am sad. No children or teachers should be fearful when they are at school. I have another blog that will be published tomorrow regarding a different situation on the other side of this spectrum.... However, I can't, I can't stand behind someone who would deliberately spew hate and hateful words toward a special needs child. Yes, my own mother is a teacher. What would happen if my mother was injured. I would be mortified. I would demand answers, but I would never blame the child. Ever. This child is a victim as much as the teacher.
Please I am asking all of you. Please. Please think with your heart. Please. Please remember what time of year it is. Jesus died for our sins. He is asking us all to forgive, please.
My God please. My daughter. My own daughter is going to be 18 one day. What happens when she turns 18? What will you say to her? Are you going to go after her and bury her at the stake? Will you burn her on the cross? Please. Please think of the child in all of this. Please remember there are things that they can't control. Some people were talking as if "these kids" shouldn't be in our schools. What are "they" doing among us? Please listen to yourselves. Please my child is a human too. Does she not deserve to walk the earth with us? Does she deserve to be locked up? She is not a monster all of the time. You all see her out and about... she is not a devil. My own daughter does these same things at age 7. Now, compare her to that child and think twice please. Please let's all work together to help our children, our teachers, our schools and our communities to prevail.
Let's not build walls, rivers or oceans of raindrops between our souls.
