Climb, don't jump over those puddles...

The past two months in our household has been an unbelievable whirlwind.  In 60 days, I left my position at the newspaper, went into partnership to start an event marketing company, started school again and completely turned my life around. 

I never completely learned in that moment how important it was for these words to ring true.  "Always stay humble and kind."  I have these words written on my fridge in the kitchen of my home.  The last two months have been the best two months in the last 5 years in our house and I can't even tell any more of the truth than this.  The love felt in our house has been amazing.  Our kids are getting along, we are more in love than we have been since we were dating, it's like our lives completely started over.  We are happy.  How did we do it?  We sat down and really looked at how we wanted to be happy.  What made us happy?  Money?  Cars?  Fancy TV's or material things?  No.  Love, family and friends made us happy. 

We realized that a big fancy job didn't need to be had to make us happy.  We needed to strap down, budget better and DO what made us happy.  Work was making me miserable.  I loved what I did, I loved the people I worked with, I just needed to be here.  I needed to not defend my job.  I wanted to do what I was doing, but on my terms with my creative ideas with my freedom.  The creative side of me needs to have freedom and when she's locked up, she gets angry!  I had to be able to be free, but all along I worked hard.  Through that, these words rang true..."Don't expect a free ride from no one, don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why:  Bitterness keeps you from flyin'.  Always stay humble and kind." 

First of all, I thank my partner and best friend K.C.  He sees in me the passion and drive.  He has faith that I can do what I set to do.  When he offered to let me partner in IC Promo, I couldn't believe what he was actually saying.  Was I scared?  Absolutely.  Am I bringing in a paycheck?  Not yet... but I will, and in the meantime, I have other options.  I have never had a friend who trusted me the way he does, and when we went on our booking trip to Deadwood last weekend, my friendships shone through.  I was able to bring that in to start helping my business and bring business to my friends.  For that I am thankful.  Music is my life and I am so happy to be able to bring that into my career.

My marketing skills are some of the best and I plan like no other.  If anyone wants to question my planning skills, just ask my mother.  Let's talk about a Thanksgiving Dinner or Christmas Dinner.  Better yet... ask my husband about a list for just cleaning the house.  I am the most organized person you will ever get to know and I am proud of it.  However, I learned not to brag, I learned to offer and show with kindness.  Your friends may not stay with you forever, but those that matter will and often they will become your family.  As you grow older you will recognize that. 

Teach your kids kindness.  Teach them to be happy, friendly and above all to have manners.  You want your son or daughter to be the one that their teacher stops you at the store and tells you they are the most respectful one in class.  Remember your roots.  Manners go a long way, kindness goes a long way.  I don't know if it's because of how I was raised or just because of us really taking the time to sit down as a family and talk about how we all feel.  We don't want to fight, we don't want stress, we don't want to hate each other.  We never did, so why did it change.  We have always been a family who will help others, a family who will fight to the death for our friends and family members.  We are who we are.  If I can help you, I will and it will always be that way. 

Show your kindness, be humble and you will see what changes.  Take a piece of paper, write it on a post it note, or just on a dry erase board.  The kids see it, I promise they will think about it.  Love emulates, pay it forward in any way you can.  Money isn't everything... don't make it that way. "Don't take for granted the love this life gives you.  When you get where you're going don't forget, turn back around and help the next one in line.  Always stay humble and kind."

Dancing in the Rain to the Music of your Life

Some people listen to music every day, some people can take it or leave it.  I, however connect with it.  Music has been a part of my life for as long as I remember.  Music to me is the one thing that can bring me to a place in every single point of my life.  When I was a little girl, driving on the country roads with my mother singing to Carly Simon and Juice Newton.  Listening to Johnny Cash at the Lunch Table with my Dad after Paul Harvey on the farm.  When Uncle Doug would show up on the farm blasting his Rock and Roll, I will never forget him gifting me my first cassette tape of Blue Oyster Cult.  Godzilla was my favorite song at 5 years old.  

Maybe I'm a strange breed.  Every day of my life involves music.  This past weekend I was blessed to see one of my favorite bands from Austin, TX for the second time.  The Band of Heathens.  I was introduced to them through some musician friends of ours.  Now, let me take a few steps back.  These musician friends of ours probably wouldn't even be friends of mine at all had I not taken a minute to introduce myself to them because of the fact that I am a severe creeper when it comes to me loving live music so much.  I am kind of a groupie.  When a band or musician comes around that I love, I sort of become a stalker.  I would venture out to say that 98 percent of the musicians in town know who I am, if not 100 percent.  Why?  It was my dream to become a performer.  I love to sing.  After my high school graduation I shot myself in the foot and gave up on that dream.  That story is for another time.  When I meet all of these musicians, it makes my eyes shine and a smile come to my face to hear how they get to do what they love.  Mind you, some don't do it full time, but just even doing it at all would be fun.

Seeing The Band of Heathens this weekend really got me to thinking what music has done for me in my life, especially recently with some times I have spent with some of my very best friends and even by myself.  I can always go into a release of my mind listening to The Band of Heathens.  They are so mellow and I can just connect with their music.  The band is so genuine and personable.  They talk to their fans, they thanked us for driving down to the show again.  Remember who our friends are and take the time out of their schedule to at least say hello.  We go to other concerts, pay money for big name bands, who we love as well, but have never been to a concert where we get an experience like this.  

Once a year I attend a Singer/Songwriter's Festival in Deadwood, and it is fantastic.  Musicians are everywhere.  Through the festival I have met a few more musicians because of my severe stalker status.  I also just go to enjoy the music.  It might surprise you who has written some of your favorite songs once you attend a festival like this.  I've seen rock and roll band members who write country and pop music and cried tears watching artists like Michelle Branch sing acoustic right before me and then talk to me like I'm one of their close friends.  

This.  This is the music of your life.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  If you sit and really think about it, every person can connect a time in your life with a song.  A memory with a song.  I know one memory that I will always connect with a song is the memory of my dear friend Tami.  When 5 to Life would play, we would wait for them to play Journey.  She and Kendall and Leon and I would get right in front of the stage.  We used our drinks for microphones and sang at the top of our lungs!  It took a long time after she passed away for me to hear that song.  I remember the weekend after she died someone played it on the jukebox and I had to step outside.  It wasn't fair.  I never wanted to hear it again.  I even requested my musician at my graduation to not play it at all.  Well, I basically threatened him.  Now, it's me playing it on the jukebox.  Memories and music are a good part of your life.  You dance to the beat of your own drum.  If you aren't dancing to the music, what will you do?  

Finding a way to learn through the storms

In my last blog I mentioned that I was going to be going through my journals and re-writing the topics that I wrote in 1995 during my Senior English class.  These past few weeks have been more than tough, so when I ran across this next entry I found it to be the most appropriate to write about.

"The successful adult continues to learn all his life."

Back in 1995 I stated that I didn't necessarily agree with this statement.  I'll give you a few bits and pieces of my journaling back then and I will write how I feel about this statement now.  In my younger years I felt that as an adult we may continue to learn many things but not all people do.  I felt that successful adults might not ever learn the value of a friend, the value of trust, or the value of other people's feelings.  This would be determined by what we defined as successful in our minds.  At that time, successful was determined to me by money.  Every dollar bill controlled our lives.  If your main goal in life was to be successful in money, your may never really be successful at all if you don't have your friends and family around.  You could continue to learn intellectually, but not from within your heart.  

I was really feeling something there, at such a young age.  What provoked it?  Nothing I suppose.  We as a family were not financially successful, but we were successful in knowing the value of family.  We were grounded and close together.  I am confident this was the base of my journal at that time.  So, let me see where I am on this topic now.

Does the successful adult continue to learn all of their life?  Absolutely.  I learn something new every single day.  Today I learned something new about a new software system being used at my workplace.  You will always be successful if you continue to be open to learning something new.  This openness doesn't mean being open to learning something new at work or to training your brain with book knowledge.  Learn something about yourself.  Learn something about your best friend, your kids, your parents, your siblings, or your spouse.  Ask questions and start a genuine conversation.  Surprise yourself and see how long you can have a conversation without complaining about work, gossiping about someone or how awful your life may seem.  Sing a song in the car with your best friend as high as the volume will go.  Take a walk and catch up on things you and your friend have never discussed.  Earn the trust of others.  Learn the value of their feelings.  Learn the value of trust.  Heck, learn those lyrics to the songs at karaoke night the next time you go!  Everyday make it a goal to learn something new.  

This past few weeks, I have learned that feelings from others are genuine.  Some pretend, and you can learn how to identify that.  Your children will teach you every day.  You will learn how to use the newest technology, you will learn about the newest trends in fashion, the newest music and even about their girlfriends and boyfriends.  We will learn something everyday.  The minute you stop learning, is the minute you stop living.  Take a breath and learn to weather your storms.  Learn how to live through them.  Learn who to lean on when you need help.  You will live life to the fullest with every bit of knowledge you gain.    

Create Your Own Sunshine

I'm going to try something new, I'll see if I can stick to it.  Over the weekend I found an old journal from my 12th Grade English Class and it had a lot of inspirational journal topics.  As I was reading over them, I thought I should give them all a try again.  Something to get me back on my feet writing. I'll still write a few of my usual blogs, my rants and raves.  This is just a little extra to keep things fresh.  Let's get this thing started.

"What you say says who you are."

When I wrote my original journal entry on August 24, 1995, Social Media did not exist.  The small reflection talked about people who do not speak intelligently, or who may use slang words.  I referenced the fact that stereotypes could be placed on those people and may make them seem uneducated.  I also reflected on those who talk incessantly (yes I used that word in 12th Grade) about their lifestyle.  Those who bragged about this new thing or that, their new car, clothes or hair style.  This would make a person seem "cool" or "tough" to others.  At that time, my end of my journal said, "I think if you have to say something to represent who you are, you may be no one at all."

I may have just had it back then I think.  Things really haven't changed have they?  With all of the Social Media and constant lifestyle of technology, we are constantly living up to other's standards.  Why aren't we living up to our own standards?  Are we trying to be skinny for ourselves or for someone else's perspective of us?  Do you "check-in" to the gym to prove something?  What about the times when you are out eating at a fancy restaurant.  Don't forget to take a picture of that food!  Hey, I'm guilty... I do it all the time.  I have a great friend that calls me out on it all the time.  Why do I do it though?  Wow, why do I do it?  Wait!  Let's get a family photo in front of this cool fountain.  Don't forget to use the hashtag #iloveus or #familytime.

What you say says who you are?  Are you really this person, or are you living up to the standards of someone else?  Do you want everyone else to see the happy?  Be happy on your own, and don't make the mistake of others happiness for you determining your happiness.  Create your own happy.

The Hidden Raindrops

Today has been an awful day in our community.  A day that in our small town we don’t face often.  It happens all too often in many places, but we like to think that it would never happen here.  At times we say, “My child would never do that!”, or “I know that my child is very aware they can talk to me before they would take their own life.”  Are you completely sure?

A child, a classmate of my son took their own life.  I will not speculate or give details.  The important facts are that the details do not matter.  Whether the child was bullied or happy, a male or female does not matter.  What matters is that this child is no longer with us.  The parents have lost their child.  The friends have lost their friend.   

I sit and think that this could be my child, my neighbor’s child, my niece or nephew instead of this child.  The “what if’s” are so strong right now.  What if my son is having trouble with his math homework and I don’t know?  What if he has a girlfriend behind my back?  What if someone is giving him trouble at school?  Does everyone on the baseball team get along with him ok?  Is it really my job to care and worry about all of that stuff?  Surely it isn’t.  No one had to look after me like that when I was younger did they? 

When I was in high school kids were mean.  We’ve all been there.  We had the jocks, the preps, the geeks and the ones who just didn’t fit in anywhere.  I think I was one of the ones who didn’t fit in anywhere.  I was overweight, I had just moved to town, and my last name wasn’t one of the “well known” ones if you know what I mean.  We moved a lot when we were kids so I didn’t have a lot of solid friends.  Having your locker rigged was a regular thing when you didn’t fit in, you didn’t want to shower in PE.  You tried to dress like the popular girls even if you didn’t have the money, and it was hard to make your parents understand.  Boyfriends come and go; they make you feel good and horrible all at the same time.  Bullies would wait for you after school or before sometimes.  Mean girls were the worst.  They come up with some of the best nicknames don’t they? 

My point is, nobody fits in everywhere, and that’s a shame.  I still see it.  How can we stop it?  We can’t.  It will never end.  It’s an everyday lifestyle for children and adults.  We see it every day!  What are we teaching our kids today?  Political bullying, workplace bullying, gossip at the salon, fights at the night club, it happens everywhere we go.  Why else don’t we fit in?  Are we overweight?  Is your sexual preference different than someone feels it should be?  Is the color of your skin wrong according to someone else?  Wait…  you were born on a farm.  That has to be it! 

Today I learned many things.  Things like, it doesn’t matter exactly what my son did to bring up his grade in a certain class, but it did matter how his day went and that I heard the new joke that he had to tell at the dinner table.  I learned that it didn’t matter that my daughter made a mess on the living room drawing and painting, but it did matter when she told me that they sang the “Haircut” song to her friend at school today when they all saw her friend’s new haircut.  We need to stop.  We all need to STOP.  We need to stop and learn from our kids, let them be kids, love their smiles, love their life, love them for being our kids.  Stop CONSTANTLY edging at them to be better students, better at sports, to have the best manners of all others.  Let them be our children.  Let them be our sunshine and our life while they can.  Tomorrow we might not get to ask these things of them and we’ll forever be asking ourselves why we didn’t live life while we had the chance.

One final thought.  Before you ask yourself why you haven’t heard about this horrible tragedy from anyone other than your children, your friends or on social media, ask yourself this one simple question.  Would you want to hear about the tragedy in the news?  Don’t expect to hear about it in the news.  It’s a tragedy.  It’s a loss.  Respect the family, the same as you would expect people to respect yours.  Imagine if this was your child, give the family time to breathe.  Let them cry.  I would be devastated and am devastated.  Bless this family and the dear child.  Let the Lord catch this child’s hidden raindrops now and dry their tears.

Making your own Rain

You are making your Raindrops this week....

Hate.  What is in the word Hate?  Where did this hate come from?  THE ELECTION!  Everyone wants to scream that it came from Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, President Obama!  Wrong.  Hate exists.  It is a form of emotion.  It has been around for centuries and it is up to us to find a cure.  It is becoming an illness!  Look, look around you.  Look at what is going on. 

Social media is going crazy, newspapers and media outlets are on call waiting for President Elect Donald Trump to make his next mistake.  Now let me ask you, did you ever make a mistake?  Did George W. Bush ever make a mistake?  Wait a minute...  If I have this right, Bill Clinton made a lot of mistakes!  Where were those riots?  Hang on, did I just say riots?  RIOTS.  People are beating each other, throwing rocks through windows, burning American Flags, lighting cars on fire.  Why?  All because their candidate didn't win the election for POTUS.  Are you even kidding me right now?

What is happening to our world?  Our past Presidents are rolling in their graves.  What would John F. Kennedy think?  Abraham Lincoln worked to abolish slavery, and Reagan endorsed less Government involvement in people's lives and lower taxes to boost the economy.  Reagan was a Republican folks.  Each President has had their own ups and downs.  No one President is perfect.  No one person is perfect.

I am not here to make political statements, get you to like my candidate.  I am here to tell you all that Hate exists.  It has existed forever and it didn't start on November 8, 2016.  People need to calm down.  Remember that we are America.  We are a United States of America.  We are not all racists, we are not all homophobes, skinheads, rednecks, heck we may not even be a fan of our parties' candidate... but we are human.  We should respect one another and that should be above anything else. 

The things I have seen this week are horrendous and some quite laughable.  Memes of signs that say "Nebraska, Super Racist, But not to Your Face."  I have been called a Nazi Racist for not even saying a single racist remark.  I have been cursed at.  At the same time, I have seen articles about Trauma Counseling being set up for students at colleges because their candidate didn't win.  Are you even kidding me right now?  GROW UP AMERICA!  What is our Nation coming to?  You are making your Raindrops this week... 

Everyone, and I mean everyone needs to remember our Bill of Rights this week as they speak and walk around our beautiful community, State and Country. 

I'll leave this here for you to contemplate.  Please, think before you speak or react.  It will make your life a much happier one.  Don't create those Puddles in your life...  be Proud to Be an American.  No matter who is in "charge".  Stand up and thank those who have fought for our rights and freedom.  We are in the land of the free and home of the brave.

 "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."-First Amendment to the Constitution

Freedom of assembly has to be balanced with other people's rights if it disrupts public order, traffic flow, freedom to go about normal business or peace and quiet.

Stop the violence, it is not your right to disrupt our life... even though you think it may be.  

Falling back into that puddle... and pulling myself out.

So, everyone has read about my journeys in life.  My "struggles" if you will.  One of the biggest leaps and accomplishments I have made was overcoming my weight issues and deciding to have bariatric weight loss surgery and implant a lap band in my body around my stomach.  A while back I blogged, about how hard it was to eat what everyone else ate, and how I was at such a low weight that people were worried about me.  My doctors were so proud and called me one of their most successful patients.  I was over the moon...  until the day, I started having the issues...

In October of 2014 I started having some pretty hard back pains and a lot of night time coughing.  I didn't quite understand what was going on.  I just figured I was eating really late and not keeping to the right diet.  I slowed down on my coffee and acid intake.  I didn't drink alcohol after 8 and then some weird things started happening.  I would get up in the morning, eat my normal english muffin with peanut butter and of course the soda I could never go without and then something small for lunch.  Dinner was always my biggest meal, even though I had always read it should be the other way around, this was just what worked for me.  I would eat a little spaghetti, or a piece of chicken and I could not keep anything down.  One night, it got awful.  During dinner, again I couldn't keep anything down and I went in like I had been each night and everything came back up.  This time, it wasn't just dinner... it was lunch too.  What the heck was going on?  I called the on call doctor right away and questioned whether I should be in the ER.  He told me to go on liquids only and be in the office in the morning.  They let all of the fluid out of my band and did a ton of tests and x-rays on me, and thankfully it was swollen but not slipped or broken.  It needed to "rest" for a while and then we could fill it again.  What I didn't realize was, this meant starting over.  The worst part about starting over for me was, each appointment was paid for in full by me.  Our insurance companies no longer see what the necessity of this surgery is.  The best part?  I could eat food....

That weekend I went to Deadwood and boy did I celebrate my new found freedom.  I drank beer, I ate cheeseburgers, pizza, french fries... I ate it ALL.  Who cares, I thought?  I have the band... I can lose it again in like a month.  Boy, did I have a lesson to learn.  When I went for my appointment to get my fill, I thought ok... get me back up to my 8 cc's of fluid and I'm ready to take off that 15 pounds of fun I gained.  WRONG.  They gave me 2 cc's.  I could only get 2 every time I got a fill.  Now, you can judge all you want, but eating is an addiction... it's like a drug to some people.  If you haven't been able to have it for a while and then you get it back, it's unreal.  I gained 5 lbs a week.  All of the sudden I was at 165 lbs.  I gained 40 lbs.  40 POUNDS.  That is almost the equivalent to the weight of Kherington.  I could not keep up.  $75 for each appointment was killing me, buying all new clothes that fit was insane... what was happening??!  My back started aching even more from the sudden weight gain, my self-esteem was gone.  How... how?

A year later I had still only gained the 40 pounds and I'm still in school.  I'm finally able to afford to get filled to about a 7 but I'm having gastritis issues because of all of the medication for my back, so then we have to let the lap band out again for a scope to be done on my stomach.  I begged the nurse to fill it up immediately.  She agreed on the condition that I would go up to the office immediately after my scope, drugged up or not.  Oh, how painful that was.  I felt like someone was standing on my chest or stabbing me.  I did it, I put up with it.  I made the sacrifice because I didn't want to gain the weight.

I continued to get my fills and am now filled to an 8.5 or a 9, but still gained weight.  How was this even happening?  I would only eat breakfast, no lunch or lunch and no dinner...  which for my old routine was how I did things.  What was I doing different?  I went to see a Dr. and found out that a medication I was on for these back problems caused rapid weight gain.  NICE.  So, 2 years later, I have gained 65 pounds.  65 POUNDS.  I am now off the medication and am taking a different approach.

Over the next 5 days we are taking the steps to "retrain" my lapband.  It's been done by several patients and I've researched it.  The first thing to do is a 5 day pouch test.  To basically get yourself feeling like a "newbie" again.  This is where I will need the help.  Leon has committed and so have the kids.  Tomorrow will be tough.  Days 1 & 2 are liquid proteins.  Low carb protein shakes, broth, clear and cream soups, puddings and jellos...  Day 3 is soft proteins.  Canned Fish, Canned Chicken, Eggs, Soft Fresh Fish.  Day 4 is Firm Protein.  Ground Meat, Shellfish, Scallops.  Day 5 is Solid Protein.  White Meat Poultry, Turkey, Steak.  I have to drink 48 oz of water a day (I drink almost zero water lately).  I can only eat for 15 minutes at a time... this has always been a rule, and I always forget to follow it.  4-6 ounce portion sizes.  Starting over.  Of course I can eat more than this.  Do I need to?  No.  Eat until satisfied, not until overly full.


So, that's the story.  That's where I'm pulling myself out.  I need help, I'll need support.  I need you all cheering in my corner.  I miss my small self.  I sure miss my skinny jeans, my skinny boots and those teeny shirts I wore.  I kept it all.  I'm never getting rid of it because it's GOING to fit again.  Soon.

Thanks for listening to me, and for caring.  I know you do.  Thanks for pulling me out of that puddle.