Giant Raindrops in the Puddle of our Life.....

What a whirlwind month this has been for us.  On July 15 as you may have read in my previous blog, I went in to finally get answers and scheduled surgery for yesterday, the 28th of August.  Unfortunately the scheduler was not friendly and very unorganized, so it was very rushed.  I was forced to get all of my pre-op appointments in within 2 days and when I went in to my anesthesia appointment they had to "google" my MTHFR disorder.  I was very uneasy going into the surgery yesterday, however it was successful. 

My surgeon was able to find pieces of endometriosis growing on the outside of my colon, my bowels and a small amount around my uterus.  She took whatever pieces off that she could and then she sent that off for testing, she has also informed me that she knew of a medication I could be on with the blood disorder/mutation and we should be able to treat it to prevent it from coming back.   After the surgery I was in a lot of pain, I tried not to take the pain medication at first but I learned quickly that was not the smartest decision.  They also said that the reason that the pain would take me almost to my knees each month was because where the pieces were located.  Hopefully this will help with the pain now, she said it will most likely not be immediate but it should subside eventually.

Now, on to bigger things...

For about a year and a half we have been struggling with wonder and doubt of what may be going on with Kherington.  We have been to clinics, doctors, through MRI's, cat scans, blood tests, therapy, IFSP programs and she is now in an IEP program.  Over the summer we would go to the pool a lot and while swimming she of course would not wear shoes.  It was during that time that I started noticing her feet.  Without shoes or any support they curved inward when she would walk almost to the point where she was walking on her ankle bones.  At this point I was done dealing, I was done messing around.  So I started making phone calls, my Mom started making phone calls.  Together we accomplished a lot.  We were able to get through to Shriner's and find out about their programs.  We were also able to find out that Kherington was in fact diagnosed with something in November of LAST YEAR but we were not given a copy of the letter with her diagnosis.  I am sure this was not on purpose, but at any rate we didn't get the letter.  Today the letter came.

Her overall diagnosis was Spastic Diplegia of Prematurity. 

Spastic diplegia, historically known as Little's Disease, is a form of cerebral palsy (CP) that is a chronic neuromuscular condition of hypertonia and spasticity — manifested as an especially high and constant "tightness" or "stiffness" — in the muscles of the lower extremities of the human body, usually those of the legs, hips and pelvis. Doctor William John Little's first recorded encounter with cerebral palsy is reported to have been among children who displayed signs of spastic diplegia.
This condition is by far the most common type of CP, occurring in almost 70% of all cases.

Wow.  Just WOW....talk about a shock.  I was not expecting that.  In my heart I have always known that she had Cerebral Palsy.  However, I was expecting that this letter would be vague and have no diagnosis.  My heart sank instantly.  I did not cry, I just sat staring at the letter.  Knowing I had to be tough for her, thinking of the long road ahead...  remembering.

Several of you do not know this but my sister Becky also has Cerebral Palsy.  Growing up with it and seeing it for the past 35 years of my life I knew that Kherington had it. I would see signs of it in her facial expressions, the way she would grip her hands, her teeter in her walk, the way her feet turned.   There were so many similarities between Kherington and Becky that I could not dismiss it.  I would not dismiss it.  Becky's case was far more severe than Kherington.  Kherington is walking AND running on her own.  We were never that lucky with Becky so we know that this should be a good sign.  Kherington is reaching her milestones on her IEP very quickly, however she is a long way from her goals.  She has A LOT of work to do and it will require intense physical and occupational therapy.  Our next steps will be to get help.  We will apply to get her disability recognized so that if our insurance doesn't cover something money will not be the reason she does not have what she needs.  Then we will go to a cerebral palsy specialist and take it from there. 

There are going to be long roads ahead but I feel very, very fortunate that my family is strong and supportive about this.  They are knowledgeable about her condition and that is something that will help all of us on the path we will travel.  When I first started this blog I titled it Raindrops in the Puddle of Life.  Well, this is a giant raindrop in our puddle of life.  We will stand strong together and pray.  We will get through it as a family.  With the support of them and the friends who are there for us nothing will hold us back.  <3  She will prevail and she will be everything she can be and more!

The Hand That Life Deals Us

Every single day we are forced to play the hand that life has dealt us.  Well I have not been playing that hand very well and I apologize.  Today I can finally, FINALLY explain somewhat why I have been such a grouchy old bitch.  (Besides my normal personality of course!)

So, over the past year I have gone back and forth with my doctors about my gall bladder.  I have had the HIDA Scans, the ultra sounds, the blood tests, tried eating the different foods, the pain killers...  ALL of it.  Overall it was decided that my gall bladder was abnormal but not abnormal enough to remove so I was told to deal with it.  With pain killers.  Thankfully I have an AWESOME Dr, who doesn't over prescribe the painkillers.  He wanted the gall bladder to come out but could only do what the surgeon told him to do.  So...  that was that. 

Well, over the months (yes months, this started last August) the pain was getting far worse.  Not to mention the pain was on the wrong side of my body.  I was a complete and total bitch to anyone around me for about three weeks out of the month.  After talking to Leon about it and thinking about when these stabbing pains were happening each month I decided I thought it had to do with my woman calendar (I'm trying to be less gross about it!).  So I called my doctor and told him I thought I had some cysts and without asking questions scheduled me for some ultrasounds.  The results came in and I had no cysts.  Good and bad.  Damn it.  Still no answers.  The one thing they did find was varicose veins in my pelvic region.  This was caused from the severe DVT I had back in 2009 that started in my abdomen.  They said nothing can be done about that, just again, pain killers.

Well I was about tired of the pain killers answer.  So, finally the Dr and I had a heart to heart.  We tracked it all out on the calendar because at this point I had been writing down how many days of pain, where there was pain, when I had to take a pill, when I even had bowel movements.  It was that bad.  I had to track it all.  At that point he had it down and he laid it all out on the table.  He said he was certain I had Endometreosis and that he was sure it had spread into the organs on the left side of my body.  If that was the case I would be going in for a full hysterectomy.  Well.  Fan-FREAKING-tastic.  So we go from gall bladder removal to 6 weeks off work.  Nice.  He did say depending on the intensity of the endometreosis the surgery may not be so horrible and I may not miss that much work so that gave me some hope.

A month later I finally got in to see a gynecologist.  She is the one who helped my doctor do the emergency C-Section with Kherington.  I do not trust many doctors out here but I trust her.  So I waited until she was available.  After long conversations and one feel that about threw me off the table in pain she was convinced without any tests.  She has said for now we are going with outpatient surgery.  She will be exploring to see how deep and spread out it is.  Laproscopic is her goal, she said it is common but all of my factors make me high risk.  (AWESOME YAY!)  The MTHFR that I have is a uncommon string of MTHFR and so with that I cannot have any hormone treatment at all.  I have to have blood thinners during the surgery because they are worried about me clotting, and if it is spread I'll be in overnight and we may still be dealing with hysterectomy.  If we do hysterectomy I'm still on no hormones.  (Ya'll better watch out if that's the case LOL!) 

SO...  with that said I'm sorry I'm such a bitch lately.   Most likely I'm in pain and I'm smiling through it.  I've been feeling like shit for about 11 months straight but I'm dealing with it.  If I've canceled plans on you I apologize.  I am glad that we finally have answers.  It has been hurting me for a long long time.  I am so glad that I have Leon here to support me and accept me even when I want to shoot him in the face because my pain is so horrible and I just want someone to hurt as bad as me.  I know this is a common thing and no one should feel sorry for me.  I just want people to know I am sorry for being such a crab lately! 

Thanks everyone for everything you have done lately!!

That's my job

So, what do you do?  A lot of people ask me that....  I'm here to tell you that and probably a WHOLE lot more.  That's my blog.  More than you want to know right?  :)

So over the weekend a good friend jokingly poked fun about me not doing my share and how a little manual labor wouldn't hurt me.  Well, unfortunately that little poke hurt more than they knew so I'm here to explain why.  Why it hurt me so deep, and why I am constantly freaking out about my job.  OH and by the way I'm not here for people to feel sorry for me, I just want people to understand when I get pissed about comments of this nature...

I have a strong work ethic.  My father has always taught me to be a hard worker.  I grew up on a farm, feeding calves and gathering eggs at age five and six.  When we moved off the farm and to Salt Lake City I was lost.  I hated it there.  I missed Nebraska with everything I had and would cry to go back "home" all of the time.  When we finally moved back my Dad went through hell trying different jobs and it was horrible for our family.  He finally did find the right job and started at the bottom of the totem pole and worked his way up.  He never called in sick, he worked graveyard shifts, he worked his ass off.  He did what it took to support his family.  Work ethic.  He taught me what it meant to work and respect your job and be thankful that you can live in a country where you can be free to work for a wage and not forced to work like a slave. 

I started working at age 11 and have not stopped.  When I was 11 I worked harder than some adults do now!  I worked in the corn fields.  A lot of the people out here don't even know what rougeing or detassling is but it is damn hard work.  You get your ass up at 430 in the morning every morning.  INCLUDING Saturdays all summer long.  And you work out in the corn.  For the first half of the summer you carry a hoe with you through the fields and cut wild corn and dig out weeds.  The second half of the summer you detassle.  Sometimes it is raining.  Tough shit.  Sometimes you are walking through mud.  Too bad.  Sometimes you are walking through stinky, irrigated rows that are moldy water.  Oh well.  You get corn rash, you get corn cuts on your face and neck, you get sun burned and dirty, tired and sore.  It's manual labor alright.  More than a damn 11 year old should probably do that is for sure.  I did that until I was 15 because I couldn't get a job anywhere else legally.

During the summers when I was 13 and 14 I also mowed yards in the evenings for the elderly and disabled and got paid by the State of Nebraska.  Sometimes the old ladies would give me a five dollar bill to fill their bird baths or extra money to mow the weeds by the flower bed because they knew there were snakes in that garden.  I did this on top of detassling.  (two jobs at age 13 and 14 in case you lost count)

When I was 15 I had my first real job.  I took on Salad Bar Prep and Table Busser at Dowd's in Alda!  OH those days were fun!  It was seriously one of my favorite jobs.  I kept that job until I was almost 17.  While I worked there I also worked at Valentino's.  (yep 2 jobs again)

After working 2 jobs at once for those years and once I started really getting involved in stuff in choir and boys (lol) I started working one job and went to ITI.  Telemarketing but man it paid well!  During the summer of my junior year I worked at the hotel in Wood River and then I took it on Full Time after my Senior Year and started up 2 jobs again.  I just couldn't give up the money.  Well pretty soon I started getting burned out on working so much and started blowing off the good job and got myself fired for the first time ever.  I was heartbroken.  What an idiot!  I thought for sure my father would kill me but at least I had a backup job :) 

I tried to go to college but that just didn't groove with my work schedule.  I was working way too much to go to school so I had to quit about a year and a half in.  I tried to work different jobs in college to make the school schedule work but I just couldn't do it and pay my bills.  I wanted my new car too badly and I wanted the money.  I just couldn't part with it.  My job was too important to me at that time. 

Every job that I have had I started at the bottom.  I am only 35 and have already worked for 24 years with probably 8 months off total in that entire time.  I was never given a job without applying for it and fighting for it.  I have worked hard for everything that I have.  When I was laid off from Aurora I was devastated.  I worked hard to get to where I was.  I earned that position dammit.  I didn't know what I was going to do.  I was scared and lost all at the same time.  Now I have this job.  My job at housing.  Starting at the bottom, again.  Who knows where it will go.  All I can do is go in every day, work my hardest and see where it leads.  When I get home I am DOG ASS tired.  I worked HARD all day.  It is not an easy job.  If you all see the word government in the job, don't assume it is easy.  I don't even want to eat when I get home.  I just want to sleep.  All the time.  I don't want to deal with my kids, my bills, nothing.  BUT I do.  If you see me sitting down for three minutes, don't give me a hard time just give me a break please.  I feel like I deserve it. 

Now.  On to this part.  YES I can take a joke.  But, sometimes jokes hurt.  We ALL know that.  Sometimes you just have to know why right?  So, that's my story.  That's my job...  that's been my job.  It feels like forever. 

Oh the life of a working baseball mother....

So we can all sit back and say.  What is she complaining about?  I do that all the time.  Well, I am sure you do, but I seem to catch the guff so I'm blogging about it :)  That's what I do best right?  I write my words out on paper...  or virtual paper as we have it...  and you all can choose to read it or let it go.  

As I'm sure you all know by now within the past 9 months Leon and I have had some MAJOR changes in our life.  I went from a job where I was comfortable, with a lot of time of and Mommy flexibility to a job where I was not quite familiar with what I was doing and no time off to begin with.  Things are gradually getting better, but it is still quite different than it used to be.  Leon is pulling a lot of Mommy duties and sometimes it puts him in a bad situation, but we sacrifice for our children.  Right?

The same goes with money, time and friends.  Number one is money.  True, 9 months ago I gave my kids everything they asked for.  Times have changed.  They don't get all of the new and improved gadgets anymore.  They get what they need and some special things based on behavior and special rewards or birthdays, etc.  Other things that some kids don't get that we do keep that some people might frown on is the extras as far as piano lessons, tumbling classes and traveling baseball.  Well, I am stepping on my soap box right now.  I will do what it takes to get my kids these things.  In my mind my kids need to be well rounded, and to be well rounded I will give them these few extra activities as long as they excel at them.  If Lawrence truly SUCKED at piano and hated it and was not putting forth any effort I would not waste my money OR his teacher's time.  It is something he likes to do.  He loves his teacher and pays attention.  Arts are something that will always be supported in our household and if I have to work four jobs to pay for them I will.  Traveling baseball...  yes it's expensive.  It's going to get worse.  We have seen nothing yet.  This pools over in to time as well.  I have spent the past two weeks helping his team with fundraisers, putting together sponsorship posters, going to tournaments, getting Lawrence to practices, emailing parents, all that fun stuff.  The team finally got enough money to get in to the tournaments and now we are trying desperately to get him some personal business sponsorships just to get his own traveling expenses paid.  Uniform expenses, traveling, hotels, etc.  It is an expense.  Last year it wasn't an issue, this year it is.  BUT we didn't pull him off the team because he earned his spot.  How could we tell him that we couldn't let him be on a team where he earned a spot?  SO, I'll be spending more of my time this week searching out friends and family trying to get him sponsored up for his Casper tournament.

Friends.  I am so sorry.  I have not been anywhere around AT ALL for the past few months.  Mommy life has consumed me.  Really though, I should not have to be apologizing.  If you are my true friend you understand that the life of a working mother is a tough one.  It consumes you.  I fall asleep on my couch every night with my head on my keyboard.  I don't remember the last time I was able to go to my actual bed before 11 pm without worrying about something that didn't get done that day or what I needed to ask the daycare about in the morning or if the budget got done for tomorrow.  It is really for the birds and not all that it's cracked up to be.  

So in short, let me just say.  If I didn't see your post, your blog, or your pin I'm sorry.  I just haven't had time and I hope you understand.  I try to catch as much as I can on my phone.  Baseball season will be over soon... (UNLESS WE WIN!!!!)  Then I can at least go to bed at a decent time :)  

Thank you for your support if you have committed to Lawrence or his team.  We'll have something for you at the end of the season.

 

I am nothing

 

So for the past month or so I have been feeling sorry for myself, in a deep depression.  I lost what I thought was a good friend, I didn’t get a job that I thought I should have, our budget has been getting worse and worse, it seems my life is slowly tumbling down hill.  No one seems to understand, I can’t quite get to that group of friends who are in the same boat as me.  I have been beaten.  A year ago I had it all….  A fantastic job, freedom with my hours at work, a whole HOUR lunch (oh my GOD what would that be like again!?) money to do mostly anything we wanted, friends who wanted to go do things and hang with us and our kids.  Fast forward 12 months.  Ya, not so much…. I have nothing.  I am nothing, I am a nobody.

What I can’t understand is what is it about this place?  What is it about this town?!  Back home I had friends.  I STILL have friends.  Friends that would move mountains for me.  Friends that don’t care if I can’t be there for every waking God Damn moment of their life but know that I will still be there if they call in the middle of the night just needing to hear my voice.  Friends who would jump in their car at 3 o clock on a Sunday afternoon to drive 4 hours and have a drink with me just because.  And you know what….  They don’t care that my husband is there or tags along.  They don’t care that my kids are here.  If my house is messy tough shit, they don’t care.  They will sleep on the couch and cuddle with my humping dog.  Why?  Because.  Because they love me for me.  These friends are guy friends, girl friends, friends that I have had for over 20 years.  But for some reason I can’t keep a friend here for a year?  How the hell does that even happen?!  This town is full of drama that’s why.  More than any other place I have ever lived in my entire life.  The saddest part is, that this place even is SO dramatic that the shit drags over into the workplace.  People are actually NOT hiring people because you are not part of the popular group!

I have one really close friend that I call every day out here.  She keeps me sane.  She’s my nig.  Her and her husband are some pretty cool peeps.  At least they are honest and tell us if we are stupid up front and don’t hide it or gossip it.  Seriously.  At 35 and 40 I would think I could be past that but, I guess.  Scottsbluff and Gering didn’t pass that…  the further west you go the longer it takes?? 

Well the point of this is, Saturday night a good friend told me something that kind of made me sit back and think.  He said, “Don’t let your job define who you are.”  Well dammit he was right.  Why should I let anything like that define who I am.  My friends, my job anything like that?  They don’t pick who I am.  I am who I am and no one will ever change that.  If you don’t like that, you can seriously EFF OFF!  Seriously…. 

Sometimes I stick my foot in my mouth and a lot of times people think I come off as a bitch but you know what I have feelings too.  I get tired of being the one who gets run over all of the time.  It ends now.  I am tired of taking the shit in this town.  I am no longer the newbie.  I don’t have to deal with your bullshit and I have plenty of others who I can spend my time with rather than wasting it on those who don’t appreciate me for me.  I am not going to beg for your friendship, or beg for a job…  I am who I am and a real friend or real employer should see who I am.  I am me.  I am somebody.  I am NOT nothing.

The Life of a Lap Bander

Alrighty, here goes nothing.  This topic is something I need to write about.  Not because I'm angry and not because I am calling anyone out.  Simply because I am trying to inform people about what I go through on a daily basis and I am quite frankly a little hurt.  This is going to be a LONG blog.  It has taken me all day to decide what I am going to write but I want to make sure that people do not feel I am pointing them out.  I just want people to realize what this is and what it does to a person.  There are reasons that you need to have psychiatric evaluations before you have the surgery.  So, here it goes.

The lap band does not come with brain surgery.  Your brain does not automatically know how to work with the lap band.  You will make mistakes.  You WILL crave things.  There will be days you can eat a lot and there will be days you don't want to eat anything.  There will be times you will try to stuff yourself full to the point you will be uncomfortable and you will throw it up.  You will be embarrassed.  It will happen at home, in a restaurant, in front of friends, in front of family, in front of your kids...  it will happen. 

The first thing you have to come to realize is being overweight is ALL about personal accountability.  Weight is what I eat, not something imposed by an outside force.  If you want to be in charge of your weight you have got to measure what you eat.  Not only the calories but the serving size.  You have to find out what does and what doesn't work with the lap band.  Certain foods stick in a bad way, you either learn to avoid them, or you will have some bad experiences.  Some of the top foods that get stuck in the lap band are:  breads, tortillas, pastas, sticky rice, rubbery eggs, chicken.  Sometimes these foods will pass but most often they will become stuck.  Today I learned through other people's blogs that even though I thought I was the only one, a lot of people try to put thing on these foods to make them flow easier down the lap band.  Things like butter, fatty dressing, gravy, ketchup, pasta sauce.  This, however, leads to calories added to your daily diet which becomes fat. 

Chicken is one of the healthiest meats for you but most often when it is made it is way too dry or too tough.  Lately I find myself eating it as a fried chicken leg with extra potatoes and gravy.  Yep that's healthy and calorie free let me tell you...  I'm one of the people who finds the loop holes!
 
Bread is something I learned VERY quickly it is not worth it.  It just becomes mashed up dough that sticks in my stomach and ends up back in the toilet.  Pasta 90 percent of the time.  Same exact thing.  UNLESS I cheat and get extra sauce.  Which is really healthy for me let me tell you.  This is dangerous.  If you vomit all the time it can cause your band to dislodge or slip in such a way that you will need another surgery to either replace the lap band or you will have to have it removed.  You can damage your stomach or esophagus and rip or tear it causing excessive bleeding and die!  Seriously it's not worth that for a piece of bread...  not to me.

 Another food I was shocked to find in my blog searches today was ground beef.  I thought I was weird but I could not find 1 person who could eat ground beef.  Thank God because I was really feeling like I was strange!

Now knowing what to eat is one thing but learning how to eat it is quite another.  Even though you know what foods work and which foods don't, there will still be times when foods get stuck even foods you eat every day.  This comes from eating too fast or taking too big of a bite.  When you eat, do it slow, small bites!  I always use a small fork and a small spoon, my family thinks I'm weird but even another blog I read today they suggested to do that.  LOL!!  I almost died when I read that!  AND doctor suggestions for all lap band patients is three meals a day... SMALL meals, lap band quantities.  That is all that anyone needs to sustain. 


So with all of this said we will visit how I am doing with my lap band surgery.  In October of 2011 I weighed in at 193 pounds.  On Tuesday I weighed in at 139 pounds so in 11 months I lost around about 60 pounds give or take a few.  This brings my total to 136 pounds lost.  I did seem like a lost a lot of weight over the summer but in reality I only lost about 20-25 pounds since February.  I think maybe my weight just shifted around a little or I lost it from different places and my pictures look funny.  I have argued to the point of yelling with my family members.  I have cussed and screamed.  If you look at the weight loss over the span of a year 60 pounds really isn't that much.  I am not anorexic.  I eat.  You don't see me eat because if you look at the list above of the food that a lap band patient really can't eat and you look at what we eat when we all get together you see why I'm not eating when we are together.  If you take me to TDO and sit with me to eat a Pork Chile plate, I'll clean it up.  You have to give me the right food to eat.  I ate a POUND of crab legs 3 weeks ago.  A POUND.  It's not that I don't want to eat you guys...  it's that I can't eat what you fix.  I don't complain.  I don't want you guys to always adjust your life around me.  BUT, please remember my feelings too.  When we go out of town and we are talking about where we want to go eat, when I suggest something, take a minute to think about the fact that maybe it's because I think there might be something there I can eat.  Please remember I can't eat french fries.  I can't eat a hamburger on a bun.  I can't eat a tortilla wrap, I can't eat all that stuff you can.  I am limited.  This is NOT your fault, it's my choice but I am asking for your help.  PLEASE please.  If I agree to go somewhere you suggest, don't look at me in pity and tell me I have to eat something or I'm going to be sick because there is nothing on the menu that won't make me throw up.  Just let me be and let me snack on unhealthy stuff until we get home to my fridge please.  I know it's hard and I know you love me but I'm really trying and I'm healthy for the first time in my life.  I feel good, I can walk around and not have a heart attack, I can play sports, I can run and play with my kids.  I don't care what I look like.  I want to live a long life.  That's what matters.  Please remember that when you judge me and please trust my doctors.  They have done this for years and they have success under their belts.  I'm not their only patient.  I appreciate your concern, I do.  Let me have just a month to be happy please...  The doctors just told me 2 days ago I was one of their biggest success stories.  Let me have the smile on my face about that for just a couple days.  I didn't even get to have it for a couple of hours before having a fight.  I just want to be happy with what I've accomplished.  It was hard work.  It was painful, until you have gone through it you just don't know. 

This pic is a pic from January to August.  I am only 10 pounds from my Doctor's goal then I am finally done!

Uh-Oh Spaghetti O

So again, it has been a while. Lots of things have been happening in the past month. First things first, Kherington had her MRI and her initial results are that the MRI is completely clear. There are no visible signs of damage according to the pediatric neurologists. The scans are being sent to Denver to have them double checked by the Neurologists at Children’s but we are confident that they will agree. Things have improved for her. She has started walking all over and talking more and more. It is almost like a switch was turned off and all of the sudden it turned on and she took off. We are currently teaching her to say “uh oh spaghetti o” she is so stinking cute when she tries to say it. If you didn’t know what she was trying to say you wouldn’t know what she was saying but oh it’s so funny. The tears still appear when I happen to look at her and think about what could have been or could still be, but they come less often and May 18^th will not come fast enough. 

Lawrence finished his run with the musical. That little munchkin was so into his part. He really surprised me with how seriously he took the role. I think we will be in for it later with his good acting skills! He had so much fun and I was so proud of that dang kid. The last night of the musical was his cast party. He partied like a rock star out there on the dance floor with all of those high school kids. Again, I think I will be in for it later...

During the same week as the musical, Leon got an unexpected phone call from his Dad, Art. He was in the hospital and had been having some heart troubles. For those of you who do not know much about him, he is retired and travels all over the US in his camper. He happened to be in Oklahoma when he started having troubles. After a couple of days in the hospital they decided to put a catheter in his heart. There was some blockage and things just aren’t so hot. Later that week Leon’s brother Dirk headed down to Oklahoma to help get him started on the trek to Scottsbluff. Leon flew out a couple of days later and met him there. Together they drove Art back to Scottsbluff and made sure that his camper was all set up here where he could have a regular doctor and someone close by in case there were any other troubles. His recovery is going slowly. It’s hard to see him without the usual bright face and know that he knows he is not as healthy as he was. It will be a long road for him but we got him in with our WONDERFUL doctor Dr. Papenfus and he is in good hands. 

This very same week I learned that some news I had heard regarding my Uncle Freddie was a little (well A LOT) more severe than I had thought. This is a very difficult subject for me. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma and after testing they have come to find it has spread to many parts of his body. I am distraught. I do not know all of the details or how to explain them but it is just a horrible horrible thing. Stupid CANCER! Freddie is more than my Uncle he is like my big brother. We are only 5 years apart so we basically grew up together. He taught me karate in the barn, took me for dirt bike rides in the pasture, we would go on secret paths down by the creek and explore. Although it seems selfish, I just don’t know how I could get past it if he were to leave us. I am continuing to think positively, but it is very hard. I am having a hard time coming to terms and haven’t even been able to call him yet because I just don’t think I can carry on the conversation without breaking down because I think of how much I would miss him. He is supposed to be there to smile and laugh. His laugh is like no other. If you know him, that laugh, it is nothing to be mistaken for anyone else. Freddie I love you so very much and I will keep praying for you every single damn day. Ugh! 

Ok enough with the tears for this blog post, on to brighter skies. Today is my son’s NINTH Birthday! Nine years old already. Holy crap. That little twerp. Who would ever imagine I could raise such smart and beautiful kids. Not to brag, but I think I’m doing a pretty dang good job at that J My sister also turns the big 29 today. Oh Katie, you’ve only begun to see getting older my dear. Just beg for that vampire to come save you before you turn 30 and you will be just fine! 

Sorry to throw so much at everyone at once! As always, your prayers are appreciated for EVERY one of my friends and family members who are having troubles. Life can be a tough bitch. I’m learning that as I go, but if you slap her hard enough she will back off!