Where does your book begin?

I've been listening to a song a lot lately, over and over and over again trying to work up the nerve to get up in front of the Open Mic Night crowd.  I'm working on two songs that both have meaning in words, but this one just really has brought up a lot with the things our little family of four has been dealing with the past month or so.

As much as many of you would like me to divulge all of those details to you, this must be something that is ours.  Something that we are keeping to ourselves and giving our struggling family time to deal with and heal.  One of the biggest lines in the song that SO relates to ALL of us in our family right now was, "We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way."  How many of us expect perfection?  We expect it out of our kids daily.  In sports, in school.  I hear it all summer long on the ball fields.  Don't let that ball get past you, you have to swing at those, you should have caught that!  We're conditioning them to not make mistakes.  The same rings true for my Miss K.  I try my hardest to make her not different from the rest, but she IS.  I cannot help that, she cannot help that.  We have to take the time to recognize it and help her.  Her transitions are different than others, she's smart as ever but emotionally different than any other child.  SHE will get through life as long as we do not condition her to not make mistakes.

I feel like I fell under this microscope myself this past year.  I conditioned myself to not mistakes.  I could NOT fail in school.  I expected so much of myself.  I refused to hand in a quiz that was not an A+.  I would take it 10 times until it was perfect.  I worked on papers for 14 hours at a time to ensure the most possible points that I could get.  I wanted the best score.  There was no room for mistakes.  I certainly don't blame my parents for this.  I blame myself and my work history.  The past two and a half years of work were miserable.  I couldn't even take too long to go to the bathroom without making a mistake.  I couldn't push the hold button right on the phone.  It was miserable, a blood curdling inhumane place to work.

So, we move on.  Life is our canvas.  Life is our BOOK!  Here's another line..."I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned."  So I've been moping around here like a puppy.  Times have been tough.  We got hit hard with some unexpected crap, I had some spats with some friends, my parents moved away and it hurt.  All of it hurt.  You just have to get up, wipe off the dust and move on.  Talk it out, fight it out, work it out the best way you know how and write a new chapter.  It's your book.  YOU are writing it.  No one else can do it for you, you can't wait around for someone else to fix your problems.  Today after about 4 hours back and forth chatting with a friend, and being mad at the world again for someone else's problems the song came on in the car.  I was reminded that it's my blank page.  OUR blank page.

I have one semester of school left.  I've already been called and approached for opportunities that are amazing.  I've got dreams that are sky high.  Can I achieve them?  You bet I can.  Especially when I have my husband who listens to me cry when I have no one else who will listen.  He lets me yell at him when it's never his fault.  I laugh at him when he falls down the stairs or trips over the water meter in the front yard lighting off a firework and he doesn't get mad or smack me around.  He loves me and supports me and my dreams.  That is a lot, that is more than most women in this world have. My kids they tell me that I can do it.  They dream about moving out in the country and having a fence where the dogs can run, and a driveway where we can play basketball after school and a big yard for a trampoline.  They wonder if we will move to California and live by the beach, they're ready to start their stories too.  My friends.  Some I consider brothers or sisters they are so close.  Some I have hurt in the past.  They let me bash them and still listened to what I had to say because they love me and knew that deep down my hurt was more than what showed on the cover.  The words to the song stung harder than ever tonight,  "I break tradition, sometimes my tries are outside the lines."  They support me like I've never stopped supporting them.  We're all writing our own books, some are moving on and away, new stories and chapters.  New places for us to visit!  Vacations will never be the same.

So, has anyone figured out the song yet?  Since I've recited most of it, I hope that I work up the guts soon enough to do it.  Our little family will be writing a lot of chapters to our book this month.  Please think of us as we go through the trial and error in helping Kherington with her troubles.  At the end of the month we will also make the trip again to Shriner's to hopefully get some answers from the doctors.  We have a long list of questions and will be looking for their guidance.  Until then, we work hard to remember..  "Today is where your book begins... the rest is still unwritten."

A Girl Can't Cry All The Time....

Today was a day of deep thinking for me as I really took a long time trying to decide how I would approach my blog.  I really had no reason to blog until yesterday.  It was such a great Saturday, husband and kids and I participated in the United Way Color Run and what an amazing sight that was to see.  There were so many people there that paid to participate in this great event, raising money for The United Way.  It kicked our butt.  We were surely sore later that afternoon, but that just meant that we were entirely way too out of shape!  We will do it again next year and the year after that as long as it continues.  It was a great way for us to come together as a family and do something good.

During the run, our son ran into a friend of ours who mentioned that some goings on might be happening that night but we never heard anything from the usual group of our "family" friends where we hang with their families and the kids get to have fun, etc.. so we just went on and stayed home for the evening.  We sat home and waited for the call that never came, went to bed and woke up the next morning to start another day.

Well, that's where Social Media gets the best of us right?  Where our "friends" come in?  Maybe I'm just too polite, or I read people's signals wrong.  Maybe, just maybe, I read them ENTIRELY too wrong.  Wrong for years I guess.  So the friends had their get together.  They just "forgot" to let us know, AGAIN.  I understand if it was a one time ordeal, but as of late it keeps on happening and it just hurts.  I spent the day trying to understand what it was that we did.  What did I do?  Was it me?  Was it my kids?  Was Kherington too much to handle while we were there?  Did the boys not get along with Lawrence?  Do the wives not like me that much?  Then it hit me.  It's definitely me.  It HAS to be me.  A few weeks ago the same thing happened.  All of the wives went out for drinks right after college classes got out and I would have DEFINITELY been down to go out.  I mean you guys for sure see me whining about all the homework I had right?  I was READY to get out of the house.  Ya, I didn't get invited.  When I mentioned it, they said "Oh Cari, next time for sure!"...  for sure.  Well, you kind of forgot me next time.  The very next week, we had a get together, the wives all sat in another room ignoring me.  It's me.  

So, guess what.  It's time for me to do what's right for me now.  I'm damn tired of walking on eggshells around you.  You can keep posting your "memes" on Social Media about me if you want, until YOU come forward with your apologies I am done dealing.  Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in my life is doing what is right for them right now and my entire life is falling apart going down the drain.  I have cried almost non-stop for about 2 months and my "friends" could give two shits.  I've had no one to talk to about it besides two or three people.  My whole world is turning completely upside down in less than two weeks and really I feel like no one could give a shit.  I haven't had a "girls" night in almost 2 years.  Something has GOT to give.  My parents are moving away in less than a month, my sister is gone, my "friends" who I thought were my friends were never really my friends.  ESPECIALLY if they are continually posting crap on Social Media in reference to me instead of approaching me questioning me that it might be a misunderstanding.  Apparently...  it wasn't.  

It's got to end, there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel.  I don't even know which way is out.  I guess I feel like I've been lied to for so long, I don't know what is real and what isn't.  Now that it's all out in the open...  you all know my dirty little secrets, there's nothing left to be said.  I'll sift through the rubble that is left, wearing my heart on my sleeve like I always do and start at square one again.  11 days short of age 37 in a town that is not that familiar to me, with very little family left here.  Thankfully I have the very few, very close ones, that I know without a doubt that I can call my family.  That will be there for me.  For that, I am thankful.  Until the rest is figured out, I guess I'll just continue to try to smile because, a girl can't cry all the time.

32 Weeks Down

Well, I haven't blogged since January.  I am assuming I was on some sort of a break or I had a lull in my homework.  Most likely I was ticked off and needed somewhere to vent.  This time I am relieved.  I can breathe, I can sleep, I can take a BREAK!

Last Thursday I finished my 2nd Freshman year of college.  In the fall of 1996 I went to college for a year and a half.  During that time I wasted a scholarship that was awarded to me by not paying full attention to my studies and not attending the classes that I was required to go to.  The only classes that I got good grades in were my legal classes and my music class.  I failed math and had to take it again the next semester.  I never went to geography class.  I hated school, I wanted nothing to do with it.  Money was what I wanted.  I wanted to work, I wanted to have nice things and I didn't want to wait for them.  While I was in college I made $15.00 an hour and paid no rent living with my parents.  Who makes that kind of money at age 18 and what do you do with it?  SPEND IT!  I bought a BRAND NEW car!  My awesome car had 4 miles on it when I bought it.  Boy did I pay for that thing too.  Then, I met this guy, I liked hanging out with him.  So much in fact, that I decided we should move in together and I really didn't have time for school.  I dropped out, mid semester.  I didn't withdraw.  I straight failed out of the classes.  I went on academic probation.  I could not go back unless I would pay it out of my own pocket.  So, I quit.  I didn't need school.  I had already proven I was making amazing money on my own without it.  Not necessary.

Fast forward 20 years.  I had a complete life cycle.  I had wages drop from 7.25 an hour all the way up to over 23.00 an hour!  I was living an amazing life.  Then, it all came crashing down.  In one day, my sister, my father and I were all at a loss for jobs.  My sister decided to finish her bachelor's degree.  My father found a great job right away.  I found a job.  It was the most horrible job in my life, ever.  I've never been exposed to such an environment ever in my entire life for such a minimal wage.  Last year in May, a very good friend graduated with her Associates Degree.  I cried during her entire ceremony.  That could have been me up there.  What an IDIOT I was!  Why did I ever quit?  Why didn't I just go back to school?  Well, the next week I signed up.  I was late to the game.  I decided to get my degree in Info Tech since that was what I had such vast experience in, and I haven't regretted it a single step of the way.  I haven't gone to bed on time in 32 weeks.  I am over dosing on caffeine like crazy.  I rarely see my friends, if at all.  Some of them are still around, but I know that the real ones understand.

What was different this time around?  I cared.  I pushed harder and I tried.  Sure, I could have just passed.  It wasn't what I wanted.  I wanted that A grade.  The first semester came and went and I got all A+'s.  I could have cried.  Where was this determination 20 years ago?  This semester came and when I was almost done I almost gave up.  I had about 4 weeks left and I just about took the B's and said screw it.  I wasn't satisfied.  That wasn't me.  So far, I'm pretty sure I've got the 4.0 but I have to wait for the teachers to post.  Waiting is the hardest part.  I was praised with high regard by my History Teacher this semester and his is looking to me to help him write HIS syllabus for him and help to see if the direction of the course is going the way it should for his students.  I am honored beyond words!

So what next?  I thought you found the perfect job??  Oh my gosh I have been blessed.  I have an amazing job.  I love it beyond anything.  I never knew what I could really do until someone had faith in me the way these people do.  My amazing boss and publisher are so supportive and have had so much help in me getting through this second semester.  My co-workers are there when I have a crappy day for me to just vent to.  They are all there when I have a great idea, or to laugh at me when my idea really just sucks!  We are a TEAM, something that I haven't been a part of for almost 3 years now and I missed that.  Finally, the puzzle pieces are falling into place.  I'll be signing on for my sophomore year in August and then graduating in May.  It'll be another crazy year, and yep I'll complain all the way.  Get used to it, it keeps me sane.  I'm taking you on this long and winding road of mine.  It's the path I take to my fantastic voyage!  Get in and come along for the ride, you never know where we might end up!

Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses…

So, you know that saying in life you always hear people reminding you, “Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses!”  Well, I’ve learned, that doesn’t apply.  Not only to me, but also to hardly anyone I know.  The last time I blogged was last July for crying out loud.  Since then, so many things have happened.  In our life, in our community, in everyone’s life.  It’s a whirlwind and you just get caught up in it and you don’t know where to get off. 

My kids are my life.  No matter what anyone may say behind my back, to my face, post anonymously about me on Facebook or on Craigslist, they are the reason that I survive and that I do my best at everything.  In August, during our not so fun trip to Shriner’s we were informed that our daughter has a condition with her hips that is pretty much with her for life.  It causes her hips and knees to rotate inward when she walks.  It worsens when she runs, causing some pretty severe issues with her posture and upper torso.  We learned that she could have some inserts in her shoes that will help her a little; she’ll have to go back every year at least once a year and have new fittings and eventually braces.  Around the age of 7, once she has really grown they’ll reevaluate her growth in the socket of her hip.  Not expecting any change they are predicting she will have a pretty major surgery, wheelchair time and major rehabilitation.  So, I’m sorry to all of you if our trip looked like we had fun.  There were circumstances we didn’t feel we needed to explain to EVERYONE.  We took the extra steps we needed to make her trip fun, since in the future she will not want to go there anymore.  I’m sure you would dread the word Minneapolis as a child if it meant you were going to go there and have surgery.  Think of it from a child’s eyes my friends.  I am using the word friends lightly here.  If you were truly a friend, I wouldn’t even be writing this.

  

The same week that Miss K went to Minneapolis, I started my journey in college.  I worked with my laptop on my lap in the car the entire way there, every night in the hotel while everyone slept and the entire way home.  I worked full time the entire semester, all the while selling our A-M-AZING cupcakes at the Farmer’s Markets every other week.  Bev is so awesome helping me sell, but I still bake them all on my own.  Leon helps me make frosting and I decorate them all.  We still sell out every other week.  While I was working, going to school and selling cupcakes Leon was working 2 jobs.  That makes for single Mom status 3 nights a week.  If baseball or church or dance fell on those nights guess where Mom was at?  So, guess what?  When I pulled off that 4.0 at the end of the semester, you are DAMN RIGHT I was gonna brag about it.  I WAS Wonder Woman!  Don’t ask me how I did it because I do not know.  I’m doing it still, but this time I’ve signed on for more credits.  I want to graduate.  If you read my blog at all you would know I make my education a priority.  I miss things; I don’t hit the bars every weekend during the school semester.  I get my papers done first.  I don’t get to go to get-togethers all of the time anymore but my real friends understand.  I’ve bettered myself already.  I’ve moved up in the world, got a new job and learned what it’s like to be treated like a human again.  Life is moving in the right direction again. 

Through the month of September after we had time to decipher what kind of toll these trips were going to mean on our family we came to the decision that we should trade in our paid off vehicle for one that would be more reliable.  We were coming close to mileage on it that it would not be worth much on a trade, it was coming close to time to buy tires for it again, and we would need something bigger to haul a wheelchair and luggage on those long trips if need be.  So, we sent our friend all of the information about our situation and told him how much we could afford to pay on a payment each month since at that time we weren’t paying a payment and he sent his guys to an auction to find exactly the car that would be right for our family and whatever needs might arise.  We are very lucky to have a great relationship with a local bank and a local dealer, however if you all can find a 2011 Nissan Pathfinder out there for $2000 or less point me in that direction!  Since, that’s how we bought the car according to my “friend” on Craigslist and my anonymous Facebook poster I want their dealer.  That is a hell of a deal!  They have connections!

I guess the whole point of my blog is not to inform everyone or to even stick up for myself.  I don’t have to do that for anyone.  It’s to just prove to everyone what we should ALL know.  People only put what they want others to know on Facebook.  Maybe I didn’t want everyone to know every detail of her Dr. visits.  Maybe it just hurt too much to type it all out, or maybe I just haven’t accepted it yet.  People’s lives look much different on social media than they actually are.  You may be happy on the outside but hurting on the inside.  Do I hurt on the inside?  Sometimes.  Not all the time.  I have a great support system.  Karrie, Jeff, Tami, Kendall, Ron, Shelby, Nick, Brandi, Bev, Hunter you friends are my FAMILY and I would be nowhere without my sisters Katie and Becky or my Mom and Dad. I miss Katie like crazy.  CRAZY.  I still cry when she goes home.  We still talk on the phone for almost an hour even though I call to just ask what size Isla or Ali wears.  One day it won’t be so hard.   For now, we all move forward.  One step at a time, one day at a time and eventually we will all get there.  It’s a new year.  A new us filled with new opportunities.  I won’t stop posting my life in pictures or complaining about people or things I can’t control.  That’s me!  For now, you get to see it all from my point of view.  If it’s not your cup of tea, don’t drink it.

A Girl Can't Be Tough All The Time...

     As you grow older and become an adult you learn to be tough.  You learn to take things as they come and build a broad shoulders.  Thick skin.  When you become a parent you learn to be strong for your children and hold back the tears.  Well, this Mom, Wife and Sister just can't do that anymore.  Not this week, not next week or the next after that.

     Right now my life is TOTALLY insane.  First and foremost I am devastated.  Absolutely devastated right now because my sister is moving to North Dakota in two days.  I keep thinking it's not really going to happen.  It can't happen, she really isn't going to go is she?  As I'm typing this I'm trying hard to see the screen.  In my whole 36 years I have only lived away for my sister for a total of 5 months.  She is my complete and total best friend.  We know everything about each other.  Hair color, length, shoe size, clothing size, bra size, boyfriend's names in high school, we know each other's daily schedules.  I don't know what I'll do without her here.  I know that when you open her front door you have to turn the knob a certain way, and where certain things are kept that no one else would know.  I don't want someone else to know these tricks of the trade up in North Dakota.  I just don't want them to go.  Is it selfish?  Oh absolutely, but it's true.  I am family based.  I can't survive without them around.  Leon freaks out on me all of the time, but it's just the way I was raised.  I even dropped out of a full college scholarship in Music Ed because I was scared to move away from my family.  My family means everything to me.  This is killing me, ripping my heart out and it's going to take me a long time to heal.  Sure, we can visit.  They will come back and visit.  It just won't be the same.

     Next up, I'm going back to school.  A friend of mine graduated in May and as I sat through her graduation I cried to myself and thought what a failure I was.  How I had done nothing with myself.  I was smarter than this.  So now, I'm going back.  I have been trying my hardest to get back into the Information Technology field and without a degree no one is interested.  What everyone is saying is experience is not enough.  Apparently a self taught Systems Analyst is not on anyone's radar.  For now, I will work full time and go to school full time.  This semester I plan to take 12 credit hours but I have registered for some IT Classes of software programs I am already trained in.  They will basically be refresher courses so hopefully it will ease me back into the "back to school" phase.   I will hopefully be able to carry on the Cloud 9 CaKery business at least with some Scottsbluff Winter Farmer's Markets and a few special orders.  If I am unable to continue working and going to school, I may have to visit the option of working part time.  As of right now, I have no intention of slowing down, but my education will come first.  I am committed to my degree!

     Last, but certainly not least, Miss K.  She is taking her first trip to the actual Shriner's Hospital for Crippled Children on August 25th.  Besides dealing with scheduling time off at work and making sure that everything is covered there, we have to be sure the kids are covered and things are handled here.  Animals, school schedules, two jobs for Leon and one for myself, school starts one week before for Lawrence, Kherington and myself, piano lessons to be rescheduled, medial records to find and send to the hospital, hope and pray that dance lessons don't start that week, arrange all of the final details with the local Shrine Temple.  SO much to do within a month.  Absolutely insane. 

     For Kherington's trip and her future trips to Shriner's we have set up a GOFUNDME account to help with any extra expenses above the Shrine Temple checks.  We would be absolutely lost without the Shriner's Hospitals and we will forever be grateful for the Shriner that we found who has helped us to get Kherington referred to Minnesota.  It is truly amazing.  The countdown is on. If you would like to check out Miss K's GOFUNDME page and donate to help, everything will go directly into her savings account at the Sugar Valley Credit Union.  If you don't want to donate online, you can message me for an address to mail it, I'll come pick it up, or you can take it directly to the bank and deposit it into her account anonymously.  You can click on the link below to check out her page.  

            http://www.gofundme.com/Miss-Ks-Shriner-Trip 


     So with ALL of this said, sometimes a girl just has to cry.  Sometimes, a girl has to shed a tear.   I'll be doing a lot of that the next few days, so if you see me I might just need a hug.  Tonight, I just needed some chat time with a friend and a little music to get all of these things off of my mind.  He really does help, even though he doesn't know it all the time, but he's one of the best at that job and I'm pretty thankful for that.  Friends tend to help in the end.

     

It all started with a boob cake...

Tonight I decided to write about...  My cupcake story.

So, if you are a friend of mine or my sister Katie, you have probably heard the word "cupcake" come out of our mouth at least once a day for the past oh...  month.  We have recently been preparing for what has been the the BIGGEST cupcake order our little kitchens have ever seen in this history of Cloud 9 CaKery.  What is this huge project you ask?  Well, let me tell you a "little" story. 

In 2010, Katie and I went to a wedding.  We saw a not so beautiful wedding cake/cupcake display and afterwards we discussed and thought that dang, we could really do better than that and maybe make a little money.  Later that fall, we took a cake decorating class at the college as something fun to do with Mom and Becky.  Our cakes weren't fabulous but they were fun.  We got to learn how to use the decorating tips, how to make the cakes more moist, what to use in frostings to make them color darker or lighter, etc.  It was something that we still use to this day.  After the class we made a couple of cakes for Christmas and for our kids' birthdays but nothing major. 

THEN, a friend of mine had posted that her husband was having a big birthday on Facebook.  She wanted a "boob" cake and wanted to know where to get one.  She was desperate she didn't know where to go.  No one was answering, everything was costly, nobody had a clue where to go.  So, I chimed in.  "I might be able to help but no promises, I've never done one before!"  Well, let the excitement begin.  I made that boob cake and the party was a success.  After that my brother-in-law wanted one and then my daughter's birthday came and she wanted a doll cake.  MAN, cakes were HARD!  I was going to have to start charging more and I needed help.  FAST. 

So, I recruited my sister.  It was originally her idea to even DO the cupcakes in the first place.  So I essentially stole her idea and ran with it, then asked her for help in getting it going off the ground. 

I had originally started calling the business Cutee Cakes.  When Katie joined up we decided to make the business more about both of us.  We thought that when you take a bite of your cupcakes you feel like you are on "Cloud 9" so then we added that.  Then we decided we didn't want to be a bakery because we weren't selling bread or muffins or cookies or anything.  We were a cakery!  Also, since the letters for both of our first names were in "cakery"  We spelled it like this...  "CaKery"  We capitalized and accented the C and K in CaKery so that people would recognize it was OUR business it was our idea.  That spring and summer we started doing special orders.  We did weddings and baby showers and birthday parties, everything you could think of.  Then, we took on a whole new adventure.

That fall Katie and I started selling cupcakes twice a month at the Scottsbluff Winter Farmer's Markets.  Holy cow.  Our cupcakes were an instant hit.  We were sweating from the beginning of each market for about an hour and a half in and then we would sell out or almost sell completely out and finally get to sit down.  People would not get enough of the cupcakes.  We would try different flavors every week. 

I think at the end of this past year we had invented 37 different flavors, we haven't had time to count how many new flavors we did this year.  We have done The Scottsbluff Winter Farmer's Market for the past three years.  It is always a great atmosphere around the market on Saturday's we enjoy the crowd. 

Then, Nebraska Life Magazine called.  We were like.. what the WHAT??!!  We did an amazing interview for them!  We had fun doing the pictures with Jessica and WE WERE IN A MAGAZINE!!

During the summer months, we usually take somewhat of a break but we take some special orders if time allows.  Once in a great while we did a summer downtown market, but the elements do not get along well with our cupcakes! 

The next big thing on our radar is The Cattleman's Ball of Nebraska.  About a year ago, a chef at The Steel Grill was mentioning that they were thinking about bidding out to help cater this event.  In conversation, I jokingly mentioned that they should hire out the dessert for the event and that Cloud 9 CaKery would cater.  Well, about 2 months ago guess who called??  Never did I ever think we would get this gig.  Was I scared?  HELL yes!  Did I think we could do it.  Oh yes, never a doubt in my mind have I thought so.  We only have a couple of speed bumps but we will just slow down the pace and get it done by deadline instead of early!

Now time for the sad part of the story.  In July, I will be losing my partner, my best friend, my sister.  Katie and her family will be moving out of state.  She may decide to carry part of Cloud 9 CaKery where she moves to and I fully intend to carry on my part of Cloud 9 CaKery as long as my time will allow.  I am intending to go back to college in the fall and without my partner here our orders may be harder to fulfill.  As of right now I intend to continue the Farmer's Markets in the fall because that really is my favorite part of our business.  If it gets to be too much because of my homework or schooling, obviously my education will come first, but this business is too dear to me to just drop. 

So, for now I'll keep it going.  It will not, however just be mine.  I am keeping it open to Katie and myself.  I owe a lot of the business to her and maybe someday she'll move back, we never know. 

Thank you everyone for your wonderful, amazing support of Cloud 9 CaKery over the past three years.  We appreciate all that you have done for all of us.  We will post pics of the cattleman's ball soon!!

Splashing Through Those Puddles of Life...

So the puddles in our life just seem to keep growing.  You better get your waders on...  there will be some splashing going on soon. 

Most of you already know that about 2 months ago while I was off during surgery I received Kherington's diagnosis letter from her visit with the Genetics Clinic.  They diagnosed her with spastic diplegia which is a form of Cerebral Palsy.  Unfortunately, we did not get the letter until about 11 months after it was sent and we did not know much about her care and therapy for the diagnosis. 

Well, as a follow up we decided, with the help of her Dr., to take her to Children's Hospital and set up a treatment/therapy plan for her besides the regular help she was getting daily at School.  If you don't already know, Kherington is enrolled in the Scottsbluff Public School Pre-School program and is under an IEP.  This helps ensure that she receives physical therapy as part of her education and any other therapy that they feel she needs as part of her development above and beyond what normal education requirements might be. 

While we were in Denver last week, she was observed by two different doctors for over two hours.  During that time they decided that they did not agree with her diagnosis.  They did not see anything that would make them believe that she had Cerebral Palsy.  They said she had a few things that were related to clumsiness, prematurity, and extreme flexibility.  One of the terms they used was hypotonia.  Other than that, I have no idea what they were talking about.  They said they didn't want to "label" her with Cerebral Palsy unless they were completely sure.  They looked at her MRI it was completely clear, they were convinced that it was NOT Cerebral Palsy.  So, although confused, I was a little relieved but not satisfied. 

Yesterday, we were given the opportunity to visit the Genetics Clinic again as a follow up for her first visit a year ago.  Well, what a whirlwind that was.  That doctor was angry.  ANGRY.  He was SO upset that the Denver doctors did not want to diagnose her correctly.  He showed me the specific signs of her disability, WHICH I had seen which is why I had taken her to the damn clinic in the first place.  Oh man I was angry.  He then proceeded to tell me that if she did not start having more severe therapy and more consistent therapy that she will be having surgery, and could possibly be wheelchair bound within 5 years.  He also said that braces are a high probability right now depending on what the therapist says.  However, according to Denver, she's just extremely flexible, premature, and will grow out of it...........

So.  What the hell.  How in the hell are you supposed to take that news??  Are you freaking kidding me right now?  The surgery is heel chord surgery.  Some cases are successful, some are not.  My sister had it and hers was NOT a success story.  Wheelchair bound in 5 years without therapy???  Braces???????  HOW DOES A DOCTOR MISS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ugh I am so angry right now.  So she falls behind and doesn't get the help she needs because a couple of doctors who are supposed to be some of the best.  They just think she is premature and will "catch up eventually".  How could this happen?  I can't even fathom right now what would be happening if I didn't take the time to do the follow up at the Genetics Clinic and accepted Denver's diagnosis just THINK of what would have happened?! 

What a mess...  what a MESS.   Unbelievable.  Hopefully things will start falling in to place now.  She will get the help she needs and we will all move forward starting now.  It is a damn good thing I have my Mother and Father there to help me recognize and fight for my daughter.  Jesus help me stay calm and together.  For my family and for my kids.  We can do it, eventually we will get there.