Create Your Own Sunshine

I'm going to try something new, I'll see if I can stick to it.  Over the weekend I found an old journal from my 12th Grade English Class and it had a lot of inspirational journal topics.  As I was reading over them, I thought I should give them all a try again.  Something to get me back on my feet writing. I'll still write a few of my usual blogs, my rants and raves.  This is just a little extra to keep things fresh.  Let's get this thing started.

"What you say says who you are."

When I wrote my original journal entry on August 24, 1995, Social Media did not exist.  The small reflection talked about people who do not speak intelligently, or who may use slang words.  I referenced the fact that stereotypes could be placed on those people and may make them seem uneducated.  I also reflected on those who talk incessantly (yes I used that word in 12th Grade) about their lifestyle.  Those who bragged about this new thing or that, their new car, clothes or hair style.  This would make a person seem "cool" or "tough" to others.  At that time, my end of my journal said, "I think if you have to say something to represent who you are, you may be no one at all."

I may have just had it back then I think.  Things really haven't changed have they?  With all of the Social Media and constant lifestyle of technology, we are constantly living up to other's standards.  Why aren't we living up to our own standards?  Are we trying to be skinny for ourselves or for someone else's perspective of us?  Do you "check-in" to the gym to prove something?  What about the times when you are out eating at a fancy restaurant.  Don't forget to take a picture of that food!  Hey, I'm guilty... I do it all the time.  I have a great friend that calls me out on it all the time.  Why do I do it though?  Wow, why do I do it?  Wait!  Let's get a family photo in front of this cool fountain.  Don't forget to use the hashtag #iloveus or #familytime.

What you say says who you are?  Are you really this person, or are you living up to the standards of someone else?  Do you want everyone else to see the happy?  Be happy on your own, and don't make the mistake of others happiness for you determining your happiness.  Create your own happy.

The Hidden Raindrops

Today has been an awful day in our community.  A day that in our small town we don’t face often.  It happens all too often in many places, but we like to think that it would never happen here.  At times we say, “My child would never do that!”, or “I know that my child is very aware they can talk to me before they would take their own life.”  Are you completely sure?

A child, a classmate of my son took their own life.  I will not speculate or give details.  The important facts are that the details do not matter.  Whether the child was bullied or happy, a male or female does not matter.  What matters is that this child is no longer with us.  The parents have lost their child.  The friends have lost their friend.   

I sit and think that this could be my child, my neighbor’s child, my niece or nephew instead of this child.  The “what if’s” are so strong right now.  What if my son is having trouble with his math homework and I don’t know?  What if he has a girlfriend behind my back?  What if someone is giving him trouble at school?  Does everyone on the baseball team get along with him ok?  Is it really my job to care and worry about all of that stuff?  Surely it isn’t.  No one had to look after me like that when I was younger did they? 

When I was in high school kids were mean.  We’ve all been there.  We had the jocks, the preps, the geeks and the ones who just didn’t fit in anywhere.  I think I was one of the ones who didn’t fit in anywhere.  I was overweight, I had just moved to town, and my last name wasn’t one of the “well known” ones if you know what I mean.  We moved a lot when we were kids so I didn’t have a lot of solid friends.  Having your locker rigged was a regular thing when you didn’t fit in, you didn’t want to shower in PE.  You tried to dress like the popular girls even if you didn’t have the money, and it was hard to make your parents understand.  Boyfriends come and go; they make you feel good and horrible all at the same time.  Bullies would wait for you after school or before sometimes.  Mean girls were the worst.  They come up with some of the best nicknames don’t they? 

My point is, nobody fits in everywhere, and that’s a shame.  I still see it.  How can we stop it?  We can’t.  It will never end.  It’s an everyday lifestyle for children and adults.  We see it every day!  What are we teaching our kids today?  Political bullying, workplace bullying, gossip at the salon, fights at the night club, it happens everywhere we go.  Why else don’t we fit in?  Are we overweight?  Is your sexual preference different than someone feels it should be?  Is the color of your skin wrong according to someone else?  Wait…  you were born on a farm.  That has to be it! 

Today I learned many things.  Things like, it doesn’t matter exactly what my son did to bring up his grade in a certain class, but it did matter how his day went and that I heard the new joke that he had to tell at the dinner table.  I learned that it didn’t matter that my daughter made a mess on the living room drawing and painting, but it did matter when she told me that they sang the “Haircut” song to her friend at school today when they all saw her friend’s new haircut.  We need to stop.  We all need to STOP.  We need to stop and learn from our kids, let them be kids, love their smiles, love their life, love them for being our kids.  Stop CONSTANTLY edging at them to be better students, better at sports, to have the best manners of all others.  Let them be our children.  Let them be our sunshine and our life while they can.  Tomorrow we might not get to ask these things of them and we’ll forever be asking ourselves why we didn’t live life while we had the chance.

One final thought.  Before you ask yourself why you haven’t heard about this horrible tragedy from anyone other than your children, your friends or on social media, ask yourself this one simple question.  Would you want to hear about the tragedy in the news?  Don’t expect to hear about it in the news.  It’s a tragedy.  It’s a loss.  Respect the family, the same as you would expect people to respect yours.  Imagine if this was your child, give the family time to breathe.  Let them cry.  I would be devastated and am devastated.  Bless this family and the dear child.  Let the Lord catch this child’s hidden raindrops now and dry their tears.

Making your own Rain

You are making your Raindrops this week....

Hate.  What is in the word Hate?  Where did this hate come from?  THE ELECTION!  Everyone wants to scream that it came from Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, President Obama!  Wrong.  Hate exists.  It is a form of emotion.  It has been around for centuries and it is up to us to find a cure.  It is becoming an illness!  Look, look around you.  Look at what is going on. 

Social media is going crazy, newspapers and media outlets are on call waiting for President Elect Donald Trump to make his next mistake.  Now let me ask you, did you ever make a mistake?  Did George W. Bush ever make a mistake?  Wait a minute...  If I have this right, Bill Clinton made a lot of mistakes!  Where were those riots?  Hang on, did I just say riots?  RIOTS.  People are beating each other, throwing rocks through windows, burning American Flags, lighting cars on fire.  Why?  All because their candidate didn't win the election for POTUS.  Are you even kidding me right now?

What is happening to our world?  Our past Presidents are rolling in their graves.  What would John F. Kennedy think?  Abraham Lincoln worked to abolish slavery, and Reagan endorsed less Government involvement in people's lives and lower taxes to boost the economy.  Reagan was a Republican folks.  Each President has had their own ups and downs.  No one President is perfect.  No one person is perfect.

I am not here to make political statements, get you to like my candidate.  I am here to tell you all that Hate exists.  It has existed forever and it didn't start on November 8, 2016.  People need to calm down.  Remember that we are America.  We are a United States of America.  We are not all racists, we are not all homophobes, skinheads, rednecks, heck we may not even be a fan of our parties' candidate... but we are human.  We should respect one another and that should be above anything else. 

The things I have seen this week are horrendous and some quite laughable.  Memes of signs that say "Nebraska, Super Racist, But not to Your Face."  I have been called a Nazi Racist for not even saying a single racist remark.  I have been cursed at.  At the same time, I have seen articles about Trauma Counseling being set up for students at colleges because their candidate didn't win.  Are you even kidding me right now?  GROW UP AMERICA!  What is our Nation coming to?  You are making your Raindrops this week... 

Everyone, and I mean everyone needs to remember our Bill of Rights this week as they speak and walk around our beautiful community, State and Country. 

I'll leave this here for you to contemplate.  Please, think before you speak or react.  It will make your life a much happier one.  Don't create those Puddles in your life...  be Proud to Be an American.  No matter who is in "charge".  Stand up and thank those who have fought for our rights and freedom.  We are in the land of the free and home of the brave.

 "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."-First Amendment to the Constitution

Freedom of assembly has to be balanced with other people's rights if it disrupts public order, traffic flow, freedom to go about normal business or peace and quiet.

Stop the violence, it is not your right to disrupt our life... even though you think it may be.  

Falling back into that puddle... and pulling myself out.

So, everyone has read about my journeys in life.  My "struggles" if you will.  One of the biggest leaps and accomplishments I have made was overcoming my weight issues and deciding to have bariatric weight loss surgery and implant a lap band in my body around my stomach.  A while back I blogged, about how hard it was to eat what everyone else ate, and how I was at such a low weight that people were worried about me.  My doctors were so proud and called me one of their most successful patients.  I was over the moon...  until the day, I started having the issues...

In October of 2014 I started having some pretty hard back pains and a lot of night time coughing.  I didn't quite understand what was going on.  I just figured I was eating really late and not keeping to the right diet.  I slowed down on my coffee and acid intake.  I didn't drink alcohol after 8 and then some weird things started happening.  I would get up in the morning, eat my normal english muffin with peanut butter and of course the soda I could never go without and then something small for lunch.  Dinner was always my biggest meal, even though I had always read it should be the other way around, this was just what worked for me.  I would eat a little spaghetti, or a piece of chicken and I could not keep anything down.  One night, it got awful.  During dinner, again I couldn't keep anything down and I went in like I had been each night and everything came back up.  This time, it wasn't just dinner... it was lunch too.  What the heck was going on?  I called the on call doctor right away and questioned whether I should be in the ER.  He told me to go on liquids only and be in the office in the morning.  They let all of the fluid out of my band and did a ton of tests and x-rays on me, and thankfully it was swollen but not slipped or broken.  It needed to "rest" for a while and then we could fill it again.  What I didn't realize was, this meant starting over.  The worst part about starting over for me was, each appointment was paid for in full by me.  Our insurance companies no longer see what the necessity of this surgery is.  The best part?  I could eat food....

That weekend I went to Deadwood and boy did I celebrate my new found freedom.  I drank beer, I ate cheeseburgers, pizza, french fries... I ate it ALL.  Who cares, I thought?  I have the band... I can lose it again in like a month.  Boy, did I have a lesson to learn.  When I went for my appointment to get my fill, I thought ok... get me back up to my 8 cc's of fluid and I'm ready to take off that 15 pounds of fun I gained.  WRONG.  They gave me 2 cc's.  I could only get 2 every time I got a fill.  Now, you can judge all you want, but eating is an addiction... it's like a drug to some people.  If you haven't been able to have it for a while and then you get it back, it's unreal.  I gained 5 lbs a week.  All of the sudden I was at 165 lbs.  I gained 40 lbs.  40 POUNDS.  That is almost the equivalent to the weight of Kherington.  I could not keep up.  $75 for each appointment was killing me, buying all new clothes that fit was insane... what was happening??!  My back started aching even more from the sudden weight gain, my self-esteem was gone.  How... how?

A year later I had still only gained the 40 pounds and I'm still in school.  I'm finally able to afford to get filled to about a 7 but I'm having gastritis issues because of all of the medication for my back, so then we have to let the lap band out again for a scope to be done on my stomach.  I begged the nurse to fill it up immediately.  She agreed on the condition that I would go up to the office immediately after my scope, drugged up or not.  Oh, how painful that was.  I felt like someone was standing on my chest or stabbing me.  I did it, I put up with it.  I made the sacrifice because I didn't want to gain the weight.

I continued to get my fills and am now filled to an 8.5 or a 9, but still gained weight.  How was this even happening?  I would only eat breakfast, no lunch or lunch and no dinner...  which for my old routine was how I did things.  What was I doing different?  I went to see a Dr. and found out that a medication I was on for these back problems caused rapid weight gain.  NICE.  So, 2 years later, I have gained 65 pounds.  65 POUNDS.  I am now off the medication and am taking a different approach.

Over the next 5 days we are taking the steps to "retrain" my lapband.  It's been done by several patients and I've researched it.  The first thing to do is a 5 day pouch test.  To basically get yourself feeling like a "newbie" again.  This is where I will need the help.  Leon has committed and so have the kids.  Tomorrow will be tough.  Days 1 & 2 are liquid proteins.  Low carb protein shakes, broth, clear and cream soups, puddings and jellos...  Day 3 is soft proteins.  Canned Fish, Canned Chicken, Eggs, Soft Fresh Fish.  Day 4 is Firm Protein.  Ground Meat, Shellfish, Scallops.  Day 5 is Solid Protein.  White Meat Poultry, Turkey, Steak.  I have to drink 48 oz of water a day (I drink almost zero water lately).  I can only eat for 15 minutes at a time... this has always been a rule, and I always forget to follow it.  4-6 ounce portion sizes.  Starting over.  Of course I can eat more than this.  Do I need to?  No.  Eat until satisfied, not until overly full.


So, that's the story.  That's where I'm pulling myself out.  I need help, I'll need support.  I need you all cheering in my corner.  I miss my small self.  I sure miss my skinny jeans, my skinny boots and those teeny shirts I wore.  I kept it all.  I'm never getting rid of it because it's GOING to fit again.  Soon.

Thanks for listening to me, and for caring.  I know you do.  Thanks for pulling me out of that puddle.

I leaped over those puddles... and I did it.

So I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this without sounding like a braggart.  There probably isn’t a way around it, so I’m just going to do it anyway.  I finally graduated on Saturday with my Associate of Arts in Information Technology.  What am I going to do with it?  I don’t really know yet.  I’m just going to look at it for a while I think.  My body and mind are still in some sort of shock I think.  Did I really just graduate?  I just did that and passed all of those classes?  I got a “B” in College Algebra?  Who does that??  High Five “Me”!  I didn’t even get B’s in Math in High School. 

When I first set out on this journey I was scared as hell.  I had no idea what I was doing.  There I sat at my desk with all of these huge books, flipping through them like oh my God what did I even do.  I must be crazy.  The week that I started, the very first day was the day that we left for Kherington’s first trip to Shriner’s Hospital in Minneapolis, MN.  Neat.  I’m already emailing all of my professors telling them that I am going to have late assignments on the first day!  Awesome.  I can tell these A’s will be gone for sure.  I took all of my Information Technology classes and Social Science classes first because I knew they would be the easiest for me to get back into the groove of school.  When we got home I was already behind, but I caught up.  I had decided to keep doing the Farmer’s Markets that semester with my friend Bev since my sister had moved and that was just plain stupid.  Harsh to admit, but it was awful.  That fall I was juggling Leon working 2 jobs, me going to school full-time, Kherington in Pre-School for the first time, Lawrence in sports and youth groups, and baking and selling for Cloud 9.  I never saw the kids, I never saw Leon, I never saw my friends or my family.  It was a waste of life.  I made the President’s List!  A 4.0!  I have never been more proud.  What did this all cost me…

Christmas came and went.   I breathed for a minute.  I celebrated with every friend that I could and baked a little.  Next semester was coming up quick and I found out that my grades were getting me some recognition.  Soon I was going to be inducted into the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society.  Whoa, what is this?  So, at this point it didn’t matter.  I needed to get those good grades.  I was getting scholarships and recognition.  I knew that I had to get those good grades.  We all fought, I screamed if I couldn’t have time to study.  I still had to juggle the sports, the youth group, Leon working at night, the cupcakes, working myself.  All of that crap and it was unreal.  Kherington was having some horrific behavior issues, I was dealing with it daily with daycare and school.  Trying to juggle the work and problems at school was just too much. I took 15 hours that semester.  Because I liked to punish myself I guess.  More Information Technology Classes, I couldn’t get enough of them.  I picked up another Social Science class because my instructor was the best I had ever had.  Even though the workload was heavy, he told me I was one of his favorite and most studious students.  I passed each class with flying colors.  I have gone to him several times for advice and even told him if I had a choice of someone to hand me that hard earned diploma it would have been him.  Again, I pulled out the 4.0.  I made the President’s List Again!  In the end…  did it matter? 

The next semester I had to take that dreaded math class.  I couldn’t test into College Algebra, the only required Algebra course for my degree so I took Intermediate.  Leon started out working and I was taking the class online along with the running of the kids to all of their events.  This time we added in the band concerts, the programs, the fundraisers, the games.  I never had time to study.  The only time I even got started on studying was after 9:00 when the kids were finally in bed and I could open a book.  Imagine how easy it was to stay awake and study something as interesting as a Science lecture or a Math lecture after 9:00 at night.  I was bound to fail.  Leon had to quit his job, there was no way out.  I had to drop out of all of the Winter Farmer’s Markets for that semester, I felt horrible.  I knew that my customers were looking forward to me being there but I just couldn’t do it.  I spent all day every Saturday and Sunday studying.  When my parents would come to visit I got to see them for an hour maybe for lunch and I was even asking them questions about my homework while we visited.  My life was never not about school. 

During this semester I also took on another duty of being an officer for Phi Theta Kappa.  Now, it wasn’t much.  We had our meetings during our lunch hours and I was only taking notes.  It was the remembering to type up the notes and send them to all of the members that got to be hard to do.  It seems minimal, but dang it when you are home for 2 hours a day before going to bed some nights that gets hard to remember.  Math was awful, I took it as an online course and failed everything.  My tests were just a complete waste of my time.  I didn’t pass a single one of them.  I never understood anything, and trying to find time to go to the Math Lab was completely out.  By the time that the final came I was scared to death.  It took me two tries but I passed that thing with 3 points to spare.  In another class I fell so behind because I had worked so hard on my math and trying to spend what little time I had with my kids that I had to complete the entire class in two weeks.  I did it though.  I WAS Wonder Woman that semester.  I passed that semester making it still on the Dean’s List!  Did it even matter...

Finally, my last semester.  Math again, but I wasn’t so worried this time.  I had a good teacher.  I was taking it IN class so I knew I could get it this time.  I was going to have a fantastic final semester.  Things were going great, friends were ready to help me kick it in gear, I had rumors of my sister coming back home for good, the cupcake business was booming, my classes were going to be fun and I was going to Washington D.C. for a National Conference with Phi Theta Kappa!  I earned this by getting good grades in college and becoming an officer with the society.  I was so excited. 

Then… bad things started happening and they didn’t stop.  There was no end!  I had an extreme Anxiety Attack and ended up in the ER.  I had no idea what it was, it hadn’t happened before.  They couldn’t diagnose it, so one thing led to another and I ended up going to seventeen million doctor appointments all semester to find out why I was there.  Tami got sick, we didn’t know right away but she thought the worst and I was in denial forever.  Until the benefit I finally accepted that Tami would be leaving us.  A few weeks after the benefit, my Uncle John passed away.  I hustled down to his funeral and back; still making sure that my customers were not disappointed for our big debut at Girl’s Day Out.  A couple of weeks later Tami passed away.  My heart was broken.  My school had taken away from all of my time with Tami, Kendall, Mariah and Cutler.  Even though I had really just gotten close to Tami within the past couple of years she was my biggest cheerleader.  Now who was going to yell at me “bitch, you better get that paper done before you come down here for a drink”.  Or when I walked in to The Union, “Did you get that done?  You better have or I’m gonna kick your ass.”  She was on top of my stuff.  Everything fell apart.  I didn’t do any homework for a week at least.  I just couldn’t stare at my computer, it didn’t happen. 

For years I’ve dealt with back issues, but they’ve come to be extremely painful this semester, of course.  So I was referred for an MRI and a cyst was found on my spine that is inoperable.  We’re currently experimenting with different treatments and I’m dealing with this pain.  Which is awesome when I’m leaning over a laptop.  After the MRI we left for Washington D.C.!  Ahh I was so excited to go back.  It had been 20 years since I had been there.  So many things had changed.  It was still beautiful, but cold…  that sucked.  I learned so many things during my forums at the conference.  Listening to Katty Kay was breathtaking.  What a wonderful experience.  BUT, guess what.  No homework was done that week either.  So…  now I’m about 3 weeks behind on homework. 

In the end, I got caught up.  I did two classes of homework for almost half a semester of each in the last two weeks of the semester.  I studied for my Math Final.  I loaded up for my other finals and just crash studied.  In the end I failed my math final.  BUT, it was ok with me.  I ended up with a B in the class. I was good with it.  I didn’t even bother with the retake. I was way too busy.  I had a graduation reception to put on and hadn’t even cooked one morsel of food.  Getting a B was satisfying enough for me.  I prayed that I had done enough in the other classes to pass and put the books away.  In that last week I also won the award for the Business and Community Education Student of the Year.  I was floored.  Katie and I had both won this award and earned it by working hard and taking our education to start our business.  By keeping the business going, I pushed through and earned recognition for my efforts.  I was extremely proud.

In the other two days I cleaned my entire house that really hadn’t been cleaned the way “I” clean it for two years.  I cooked batches upon batches of potato salad, pasta salad, and cupcakes.  I shopped for decorations, I made display decorations, I gathered my awards and recognitions, and I even found two of my old senior pictures from 1996.   By Saturday of Graduation I thought I might harm someone or myself.  The Friday before, even though I was on vacation, my employer was helping to sponsor an event in town and I was fielding calls and texts to make sure that all of our bases were covered and that night we went to the event to try to relax a little.  Saturday was just a blur.  I barely remember anything besides getting my hair done and driving to the school. 

So, that was my school adventure.  If you ran into me in the past two years and I was grouchy or tired, yep that’s probably why.  Two kids, one who’s disabled and a husband who was working two jobs and then working full-time and running a business yourself is tough.  When you add school in there, you kind of want to just smack someone once in a while.   I still tried to make time for my friends and family but it didn’t happen all of the time.  I think there were some weekends where I wore the same clothes for a full 48 hours.  I’m sorry to everyone that I lost along the way, but I won’t ever forget my time at WNCC.  I’m proud to be a Cougar, and damn proud of that 3.74.  I’ll keep sharing those pics of me in that cap and gown.  I didn’t get the 4.0, but I did graduate with Honors and that was the goal all along.  I passed math people… that counts for something!  J   Who knows where things will go, for now I'm in an amazing job with some great friends.  Life is a book, and the rest is still unwritten.

Like the loss of sunlight on a cloudy afternoon... gone too soon.

She's gone.  We all knew it was coming.  There was no denying that she would leave us, but definitely she was gone too soon.

I will never forget the time that I first came to know Tami, the summer of the Cattleman's Ball.  We had been acquaintances, but I had never really got to "know" Tami.  The first night of the ball, we were wiped out, we were beat.  We decided to stay and enjoy the music of 5 to Life.  We danced, we laughed, we had serious moments where we talked about our kids.. we took funny pictures.  She let me know how proud of me she was with the cupcake business that Katie and I had built.  What an amazing person she was and a great friend.

A couple of weeks later it was our birthday. We ran into each other at The Union.  We hit it off again.  It wasn’t a fluke.  We actually got along.  It became apparent to me that somebody was trying to make us see that we were meant to be friends, something… some force out there was pushing us together.  It came to be routine.  If something was going on, I looked to her to see if they were doing something.  We wanted to be a part of what Tami and Kendall were doing.  I started to be interested in Mariah and Cutler.  When Mariah graduated I was so proud to say, “hey I know that girl!”  When she was hired on at Scottsbluff I cried right along with Tami.  Their family started to be part of my family, and I will always be thankful for that.  I will always be proud of them. 

She took a genuine interest in my kids, my job, my school and my life.  There are few friends who ask me about Kherington, but Kherington was always number one on Tami's list.  I hope that Tami knows now that one day Kherington will be running, and not stumbling or struggling and hugging her again with that big smile.  Tami, you will always, always have a special place in Kherington's heart.  She took my daughter under her wing when she didn’t know me from Adam.  Again, out there showing her support for my family as a true friend really would.

School started up for me in the fall, and there she was pushing me to be everything that I could be.  She knew first hand what it was like to want to get those good grades.  Her kids were doing it and she knew I could do it.  She knew how hard it was for me to say no to the nights out and to stay in and do studies, but she didn’t even ask.  She would never pressure me because she understood.  Graduation is two months away, and I can’t believe it.  You’ve been with me all the way.  “Don’t Stop Believing”, right?  That’s our theme song.   I’ll never hear that song without thinking of the four of us screaming that song out loud, and I know that you will be watching over me proud, doing what is right for me and for my family.  Thank you for always having faith in me and knowing and believing that I could do it.

I will always remember you Tami, your smile, your laugh.  Your truths and your ever living trust in me.  These things give me the strength to go on when I just want to give up.  When I do open that cupcake store, rest assured there will be a plaque on the wall with your picture on it to remind me of your faith in our business.  You believed in us, and in me as a person.  You knew I could do it far before I could, and now I know I can too.

I love you, very much.  It’s hard to say goodbye so I’m not going to do that…  I’m going to say thank you.  Thank you and don’t forget about me.  I know you won’t, but be watching for me because when I get there we are going to have so much to talk about…  Gone too soon.

New Year, New Me?

Well, it’s been a whirlwind year.  A good year and a bad year combined but a WONDERFUL year all in all.  2016 is coming up here in a couple of days and I am well aware of things that aren’t as they should be in my life.  Will I make changes? Sure.  Does that mean resolutions?  Maybe.  I used to be one of those people that set goals every year.  January 1^st meant that I would start fresh at the gym or start that new diet.  We would start a new budget at the house or a new cleaning routine, but we would never stick to them.  A couple of years ago we started saving to end up at Disneyland for Christmas, that lasted about two months until an unexpected bill hit the household.  We had a goal to do a certain amount of laundry every night and fold it right away… I won’t bore you with the details of how that situation currently stands. 

For me I just can’t follow the trend, my New Year won’t be about me.  It needs to be about US.  It will be about how we will succeed.  I don’t need to weigh so much, or eat healthier.  We don’t need to clean on certain days of the week or save a certain amount each payday.  It just doesn’t work.  For us the New Year, New Me will turn into New Year, New WE. 

We will communicate better as a family and learn to love each other for what we are and what we have no matter what the circumstances are.  If Dad is working late or Lawrence has practice of some sort, we accept the circumstance for what it is and move on.  Mom has lessons to do… we move on and take it in stride.  No fighting life, it’s a common occurrence that doesn’t just happen in our household and we’ll learn to not complain or “suffer” through it.  We’ll make it a better situation.  We are a strong family and we have gone through many, many tough stages.  This is not that hard, we can do it and we will be stronger for it.

Family.  Family time is a must.  We used to do it, where did it go?  We purchased several board games for each other at Christmas this year and we are getting back into this routine.  We love to play games and so do the kids.  Who says you have to go places and spend a million dollars?  A simple hour of Hungry Hungry Hippos will put out memories that could never be replaced by $60 at the local movie theater.  The cable bill is going to go down and the board game collection is going to go up!

Friends.  We can’t let our friends go.  My school took over this past semester and I forgot about my friends.  I think we got together with friends about three times in the past six months.  It wasn’t healthy for me or for Leon.  We need one night, even if once a month, just to see someone.  We need to visit with people and not forget those friendships.  Friends are like family and a select few of my girlfriends are like sisters to me.  For those of you I have forgotten or lost touch with, I am sorry.  I promise to try harder. 

Just try harder…  that will be our motto for 2016.  We will try harder as a family.  We will get along.  Say sorry.  Not yell or scream or fight, it doesn’t have to be that way.  We’ll try harder to be thankful and to give more and take less.  We can’t take things for granted like our family, friends or our jobs.  These things won’t be around forever and when they are gone… we will never realize what we may have lost.  So, no New Year, New Me for me, we’re going to try a new approach…  New Year, New We.  On to 2016.  Happy New Year everyone!