Harvesting the Crops After the Rain

 Throughout times in our life as also happens in seasons of a year we will go through a drought or a time of sadness.  We can feel sad, depressed or even without emotion.  In a drought the grass turns brown and needs watering, needs cared for and attention; much in the same fashion as we feel when we start to feel down.  

Every day when we wake up we are given the chance to breathe new life.  To live a fresh start.  It's normal and ok for everyone to experience times of sorrow, doubt and emotional times when we just don't feel like we are enough.  However, don't live there forever.  I lived there.  I lived there for a long time and it hurt.  It still hurts to see those old pictures, the look on my face and the sad in my eyes.  Every day wanting to try to start again, but something would trip me up and I would find anything that I could to give myself a reason to not get out of bed.  Spending my days sleeping, crying for hours on end with no real reason for it, and feeling that no one cared.  In my mind no one cared that I was in bed, no one cared that I was crying.  No one cared that my hair wasn't done or that I was gaining weight again or  that I hadn't changed clothes for three days....I cared, but I wanted so much for someone to care and in my own mind I had created the vision that no one did.  

Before I went through this bad time in my life I was such a happy person.  I had completely transformed myself.   My career was wonderful, I had an amazing self taught job in technology that made me feel established.  My bills were being paid and we were driving nice vehicles and buying a home.  Our kids were beautiful visions of sunlight that kept me smiling every day.  I had done a physical transformation and lost over 150 lbs, fixed my teeth to make my smile beautiful.  My life seemed complete.  It was my turn to give back.  

During my life I have always been a giver.  I give what I can.  Time, heart, money...   I give a lot.  I give chances, phone calls, handwritten letters even a hug or a smile.  For one single moment, my heart hardened.  I felt like my giving wasn't appreciated and that was a ridiculous mistake.  Never in your life should you give to get something in return.  I have never given to get something in return and for a moment I forgot that.  My life turned upside down.  My job went away, I felt empty and unappreciated.  I didn't want to give anymore when it seemed I was getting nothing in return.  I had worked so hard and for what?  Again, the first rule is to give without the expectation of receipt. 

It takes one positive person to help someone realize that life can be good.  We can make our lives better each and every day if you give yourself the chance to do so.  In recent months I have experienced a massive change for the better.  It feels so good to be the giver again.  Every day when I wouldn't get out of bed I could see the sadness in my kids' eyes.  I could feel the anger from others, but as long as I was doing what I wanted to do I didn't really care.  Was it what I really wanted to do?  No... but I couldn't for the life of me find a reason to get out of the bed and give myself to the daily routine anymore.  I had one person who would message me and call me every day asking for my list of five things that I was grateful for that day.  Eventually I started making it a point to wake up and ask him what his list was before he asked me.  Every day it would get easier.  That was his gift to me and I am so grateful to have received it.  No matter how much I argued and how much I wished to deny his gift when he first offered it to me, I eventually accepted it and my life is getting better for it each and every day.  Just today in discussion I told him he was the best friend I had and I meant it.  

Being a giver doesn't mean giving every minute of your time or spending every penny that you earn.  It's the little things.  Giving the little things get you through every day.  The good mornings, the smiles, the hugs.  Seeing the smiles in return and hearing the laughs, the gracious thank you coming from their heart.  That is what giving is all about.  

Still one of the favorite writings I've heard to this day comes from the song "Humble and Kind".  There's a final line of the song that says, 

Don't take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind...

Some stranger somewhere still remembers you because you were kind to them when no one else was.  I fully believe that and always will to this day.  Pay it forward and harvest the crops after the rain, because someday those crops will feed the hungry and you will always feel the gratefulness in your heart.  

Rebuilding after the Storm

 A lot of you are new to my writings, some of you are my regular readers.  Thanks for always being on my journeys with me.  It's been a very long time since I've had the time to sit down and write.  Today I made a point to do it, because my mind needed the release. The past 12 months of my life have been something of a whirlwind; a tornado if you will.  The rain had already started many months before that, but the real storms brewed over the summer, fall and winter months.  How I survived, I really don't know to be honest with you.  

A year ago today my life took quite a turn.  I'm a pretty caring person and someone really figured that out and took the best of me, the best of my heart and it's taken most of my soul and happiness. I couldn't quite get the words out for this blog for the last few months until today I was reminded of the song "When you love someone." by Bryan Adams.  It probably stung me the hardest out of everything I've heard or anything that's been said to me in the past 4 or 5 months.  Two of the biggest lines in the song for me that just hit today were, "You'll deny the truth... believe a lie..  there'll be times that you believe that you can really fly."  

I really did believe I could fly, I believed everything, but I don't believe I'm the first person who ever deals with this in their life, but dealing with it for the first time in 22 years, that was a complete new world for me and having it hit as hard as it did; that hurt.  It hurt hard.  They learned that I was a complete music fanatic, a superfan of their music and thing just went pretty hard and fast from there.  

Taking advantage of someone with an open heart and blind eyes to the entire world is a pretty easy task.  When we break though, it's a tough break.  It's a hard recovery.  We don't bounce back after a situation like that . If I can't stop myself from being a victim of this type of thing, how can I help my kids avoid it.

How will I teach my daughter that every man that writes her a song isn't awful?  When deep down it will always remind me that the one who wrote music for me did it with a purpose.... to make me fall into the routine of asking me for money.  Favors.  Help.  That not every man out there is truthful to her heart as much as she would like to believe it.  

This is another reason that song hit me so hard today... "When you love someone, you'll do anything.  You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain."  Never in my life would I have imagined what I was willing to give up for another person.  Love is supposed to do that to you right?  You're supposed to sacrifice, but to what extent? "When you love someone, you'll sacrifice.  Give it everything you've got and you won't think twice. You'd risk it all... no matter what may come.  When you love someone." 

Moving on from something like that is awful.  You continually hurt others, yourself, your kids.  It hurts your family and your friends.  Getting out of bed is a task.  Then, one day they pop up in your memory... or better yet they call you.  On your best day.  Getting past your past is easier said than done.  People say don't catch feelings too quickly, but when you have a gigantic heart, you just love everyone.  Some you love a little harder.   

Being someone who cares about everyone is a curse and it's hard not to give everyone a chance in life.  As I grow older it makes me harder in my heart, it makes the tears fall a little easier.  You don't want to believe that people can be so deceitful or hurtful, but they are out there.  Ultimately I'll still listen to my heart because that's the path I've always chosen.  If I didn't, I wouldn't have my two kids in the first place and God knows I am ever so thankful for them every single day of my life.  In the end, I am hurt; but I'm thankful for the lessons I learned in the last year.  My inexperienced eyes were surely opened to see that not everyone has a good heart, and not everyone loves like I do.  Big hearts are open, but they are also open to heart break.  As much as we try to protect ourselves and our kids; it will happen.  When it does, open your arms to those who need the embrace.  It hurts.  More than I remember.  "Your lonely nights have just begun... when you love someone."

Music Means Something...

A few friends have been passing around some posts on Social Media lately in regards to the music they listen to.  It has me loving everything about life and what it's supposed to be.  A few people have asked for people to share their favorite songs so that they could listen to them, others have said that to truly know them they would have to understand the music they listened to and I felt that so deep in my soul. Music Means Something... 

 

Some people know a song, sing a long and it's familiar.  Others feel the music.  It means something to them.  It connects deeply to some situation in their life either right now or in their past.  We relate to music.  The words are part of our life and sometimes they say the things we want to say without us actually speaking the words.  Music Means Something... 

When we really sit down to think about it, music is everywhere in our life.  When we first come into the world the hospital plays a little song across the intercom to let everyone know a baby is born.  Our parents sing lullabies to us to calm our cries and help us go to sleep.  We go through school learning songs like "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and "Three Little Speckled Frogs"... we even learn "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" to show our parents how amazing we are at our Christmas Programs every year. Music Means Something... 

Later in life, we study music in High School, we decide if the "cool kids" are in music or not and take that leap of faith.  We might learn an instrument and share our voice with others.  The High School Musical is a big event every year, our parents brag about us if we are one of the music kids or band kids and of course they believe we are the best one on stage.  Music Means Something...   

When we graduate High School we have a Class Song.  What was your Class Song?  Was there a song you dedicated to your parents?  I remember the song we dedicated to our parents, I cry every time I hear it.  The song just rings true still today.  The lyrics are so full of truth when it came to our parents.  I still see my parents this way and even as I write I'm starting to tear up.  The song was, "Because you Loved Me" by Celine Dion.  The part that really hits home are the lyrics.. 

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'cause you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

Music Means Something...

Where does music play a part in your life?  I talk to people daily about music and I've had people who say that they don't really think about it, but I'm challenging  you to really sit and think about music and how you listen to it.  How do you sing along to a song?  Do you hum a tune as you're sitting in a car?  When you're at work or out in the tractor planting and harvesting does a song just come to mind as you're thinking of someone or something you went through this week?  Music is what feelings sound like.  Read that again....  MUSIC IS WHAT FEELINGS    SOUND  LIKE.  Music makes us feel, it means something.  We can express our anger, our happiness, our sad.  Where words fail, music speaks.  

Use your music to speak, take a break, listen and I promise it will help you through your day.  Share the song that's getting you through something right now.  Happy, sad or mad.  I want to hear what's helping you.  Music means something to everyone.  Share it, love it and listen to it...

Right now this is the most relatable lyrical song I have had on replay lately.  I discovered it a couple of weeks ago and I just can't let it go... it embraces so many things about life and how I relate it to music in my life.  It's a daily player for me.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

You're music to my eyes

I had to listen just to find you

I'd like for you to let me sing along

Give you a rhythm you feel

Music Means Something... Keep listening, it's there.  <3 

What do you dream...

How many of you wake up in the morning to your alarm playing that song that eases you awake from a dream that you just want to snooze and finish to see how it ends?  Do you remember your dreams... do you ever wonder why you dreamed what you dream and are they scary or happy?

I dream vividly almost every single night.  My dreams are rarely about situations that have happened in my life, they are almost like little movies that my mind has created and written for me to watch while I am sleeping.  Some of them I talk about and some of them I don't.  I often ask a friend to help me interpret my dreams and I often search for them through a dream interpretation dictionary because it is so interesting to put your dreams into a purpose and relate them to your life.

The Online Dream Bible

Throughout the years there are many dreams that I remember, very thoroughly, even back to when I was very little.  Some of my dreams are in black and white but most of them are in color.  I've learned a lot about how people dream over the last 20 years or so.  Through researching and reading.  Some people have concluded that more creative people dream vividly and very colorful dreams, but in their dark or sad times they dream in black and white.  It's also been theorized that people who dream only black and white are older, or had access to only black and white media in their younger years.  

For me, I see my dreams in the stage of age or theme so to speak.  When I was little I dreamed a horrible scary dream about one of my sisters, that played out like an intense scary movie including kidnapping, hostage situations, men taking over our farm while my father was out in the fields... something so intense at such a young age.  However, I was so young, the dream still comes to me and plays like an old movie on VHS format... Kind of fuzzy, or something you would now see on an Instagram filter I suppose.  So, to me the theory of dreaming vs. access to media in the timeset of your dream kind of makes sense. 

This morning was one of those mornings for me.  I have the best alarm song that pulls me out of sleep smiling, but today I hurried to shut it off because I needed to finish my dream.  Of course, by the time you fumble around, find your phone and hit the right button... you're awake now.  The dream was so interesting, I knew what it meant right away... I just wanted to see the end.  It's like I have to wait a whole year for season two to come out on Netflix now.  

Anyone who knows me or follows me knows that I am on the road, all the time.  I can't stay home.  I love to travel, I go to events, shows, visit friends... I am a Wanderlust, if you will. Throughout my dream I was traveling and though the destination was unknown, how I was traveling seemed to be the main factor.  At first I was driving, with a group of people and arriving at a dark destination like maybe a closed amusement park or county fair that was shutting down for the night.  I think I compared this to meeting some of my friends or associates to pick them up after a show and help them get to their hotel or where they would be staying after a show.  I was happy, we were all laughing, it seemed like everyone was in good spirits.  The darkness really reflected in my dream however, and a lot of the color purple came through in that part of the dream.  Purple stage lights, lights from a roller coaster or ride near by, the purple lit up the dark where we were all meeting to get to our next destination. 

Now, even though in the dream it was something that seemed happy, laughing... this dream reflected something that is a real situation in my life.  A movie that needed to play.  A lot of descriptions of these dreams include; "To dream of a parking lot represents an issue or situation in your life that you are stuck in.  It reflects an inability or unwillingness to move on or overcome a problem. To dream that you are walking through an empty parking lot represents a problematic area of your life that you are slowly getting through."  Well.  holy hell... haha anyone had a conversation with me or seen any of my social media pages lately?  We'll just leave it at that.  

After that part of my dream, it was like I changed the channel in my brain and I was watching a different movie, but I was still driving.  This time.  I was not able to control the car very well.  I was on an interstate, and went into the grass and when I looked up I had gotten control and was good.  For a while I drove, but then I realized I was on the wrong side of the interstate.  I quickly went back into the median and back to the other side of the road sitting on the shoulder waiting to get back into traffic.  Then, I looked down and realized I was on a pedal car.  I was driving down the interstate on a little tiny plastic car, trying to keep up with trucks, cars, motorcycles and not die.  I was struggling to survive and barely peddling. (wow much?)  Someone pulled over to help me, they were riding a bicycle.  On the interstate they stopped to help riding a bicycle and giving me the confidence to keep going, in my mind if they could conquer this, I could get going and conquer it too. Then... alarm. 

Oh my alarm tho...

It is pretty beautiful you can click the link in orange... (I'll let you listen but you can't have it, it's mine) 

UGH! I wanted to see the next scene.  Did I succeed?  Did I fail?  Did I get run over by a semi and die?  HOW far did I go?  So... let's interpret this!  Cars are very common, yet highly symbolic dream symbols that connect you to personal transformation and current life movements.  The image of the car is a manifestation of your mental and physical self that has been built up as you move along your life's journey.  To dream of a highway represents situations in your life where you are experiencing momentum or progress.  A situation is moving along quickly.  If you are pulled off to the side of the road, have an accident or find yourself driving a vehicle in poor condition it may symbolize problems or emotional issues you are experiencing during fast paced situations.  Difficulties or delays you are having while "moving ahead" with something.  

Ok again... Crickets anyone?  Life can be a turbulent road so to speak, but when you have signs or a dream like that you should probably pump the brakes and take a minute to listen.  What do you dream?  Do you ever compare your dreams to your life?  I can't imaging not dreaming, a lot of my writing comes to me in my day dreams or my heavy dreams at night.  Although life is making movies for me to help me along the way, my dreams mean everything to me.  Life tells a story, watch it, write it and read it.  Not everyone may want to hear your story, but save it for the ones who do.  Someday your story will mean something to the special ones.  You may not always dream in color, but then again, life can be beautiful in Black & White.  Keep Dreaming... 

Also, in case you didn't know... Stevie Nicks is my Fairy Godmother 💗

 

What's in a song...

 It's been about 9 months since I've blogged... life has happened.  I need to commit to this, because writing really soothes my mind and clears my head.  The last few days I've had a couple of topics I really want to focus on so my readers are probably going to get slammed this week.  Writing and music are the things I go to in life when I need a release, and big things are hitting me.  The only way I've been dealing with it, is music.

When you listen to a song, what brings you to it? Is it the type of music that the song is?  Do you like country music, alternative music, pop music?  What keeps you interested in the song... How many times do you listen to the song before you listen to the words?  Do you feel the music?  

I've always been one to listen to the lyrics, I'll rewind a song and start it again a few times.  There's something special about someone who can write lyrics that bring out a memory or a time in my life that make a song touch "that" place in my heart.  If you don't listen to a song this way, you really don't understand it.  Lyrics to songs can place you in all parts of your life.  In high school, growing up, through a death, through a love or a love lost.  They can help you cry or celebrate.  Lyrics help you remember the good and the bad, because believe me.  Your life, as wonderful or awful as it may seem... someone has been there before; and an amazing songwriter is telling that story. 

Lately, my life... if you follow me personally hasn't been a beautiful bed of roses.  We've gone through a lot of sadness and trauma in 9 months.  My grandmother passed, my kids' grandmother passed and my father almost left us.  After 21 years as one household, we have decided to make it two.  Covid.  Covid happened and music all but died.  Music, the one thing that held all of us together for 21 years... as crazy as that sounds, was not there to hold us together.  Then, music came back.

https://soundcloud.com/lifelikeviolence

A friend of mine started sharing what he wrote, and it really connected with me.  I don't know why, or what about his lyrics that did it, but they just came through.  There's one song in particular, "Believe in Yourself" that really touches the heart and if you find time in your day, you need to listen to it.  The lyrics are so solid and deserve to be heard. 

Please click on the link and listen to the song, you won't be sorry- it's breathtaking.

Believe in Yourself

Through all of this, I have never let go of IC Promo.  Music feeds, music heals.  I have to thank my wonderful friend Roger for that.  He has been such an amazing supporter of my ideas, my promoting and introducing me to the bands that I needed to know.  Through IC Promo, I have met SO MANY amazing musicians.  Well over 2,000.  I've met musicians I'm a fan of (super cute fan girl like...omg I can't believe I met them!) I've met musicians I've never heard of... I've met songwriters who have written songs that I loved when I was a little girl on the farm and even the guy that wrote "All About that Bass" ..yes it's true, and he was pretty cool.  My favorite weekend every year is the Wild West Songwriter's Festival in Deadwood, SD.  It's a must for me, listening to the songwriter's stories, why they wrote the songs, their personal interest in the song.  Once you hear that and attach it to the song; you'll never hear the song the same way again. 

Through all of that, the purpose of the blog is as the title says, "What's in a song?"  Once you really get involved in all parts of the music, it's really something to just separate the lyrics out.  

One of my favorite songs for lyrics is "Bless the Broken Road" - Now I know most of you will be referring to Rascal Flatts when you think of this song, but the song was originally written for The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band in 1994.  I have also met this songwriter, and his story for the song was unbelievable.  A friend of mine has a description of why he wrote each of his songs on his SoundCloud, and it really attaches the song to the lyrics.  More musicians need to do this.  I know that a lot of musicians are afraid that their songs won't make money if they put them on these platforms; but to me this shows that it's more about music.  It's about getting people to listen to their words, what they write.  

 

Next time you pull up a song, listen to the words, rewind it and play it back.  Feel what that songwriter took the time to write.  I imagine, you'll be pleasantly surprised with what you hear.  If it's something you're hearing for the first time, you might catch a tear falling or even a little smile upon your face.  You might even feel like that song was written just for you.  Sing the song loudly, get to know it and make the song relatable to you.  A songwriter wants you to feel their music, and goodness knows they feel it too.  Once you feel the music, your life will change.  Music speaks, music heals and music is life. 

Stay blessed 💜Listen to one that I've been listening to a lot lately.  It really touches on what is just surrounding my life right now.  More words soon /Carianne

I think more than one of us out there can relate to this song-click on the link to go to the song on SoundCloud-thanks for listening folks. 💓

I Can't Love You Anymore

One More Trip Around the Sun

Another year has come and gone.  The clock went by fast and that pendulum swung like a wrecking ball for a lot of us in life during the year 2019.  Many of us suffered loss this year in one form or another and many of us celebrated some great victories and joys.  Overall, on the very last day of 2019, it is very clear that the one thing keeping almost everyone steady is the sense of togetherness, family and love.

The year 2019 has taught me a lot about family.  Family, what’s in the word family?  You know… those people… your family.  The ones you love, but you hate them sometimes, your family.  You know, your kids; who drink your soda out of the fridge and eat the last nutty bar you were saving for that PMS time when you are trying not to kill them and just want some chocolate. The kids you try not to stab when that happens.  Your family; the ones who remind you constantly how messed up you all are, but perfectly perfect for each other all at the same time.

Your family, like mine, who can’t wait to get together for family dinners with everyone to tell stories about how crazy you were when you were growing up.  (or to see who can fart the loudest at the table… you know it happens, stop lying ya’ll) The same family that gets really pissed off at you when you don’t do something the same way they would, or NEVER answers their phone. Then you scream and cuss at them and don’t speak to them for a week, until one of the kids has something that we all have to get along for.

In 2019 your family had your back even though you didn’t feel like you deserved it, because that was love.  Your family might have said harsh things, threatened to throat punch each other or even rolled their eyes at you, but you might have deserved it just for a second. Then, we all just ate cake (or flan).

In 2019 one thing your family never forgot to do was give you a hug and a smile at every hello or goodbye.  They definitely didn’t forget to include you on those group messages, and you definitely didn’t want to break your phone when you got 19 thousand replies did you… ha, you didn’t!

One big thing we all learned in 2019, was you would never turn your back on your family, no matter what.  Even if they murdered someone, you would probably go to the ends of the earth to defend them on that one.  I tell you what I learned about my family.  My family isn’t perfect, my family isn’t always fun, my family can be honest, ugly and gruesome; but they can be beautiful and are irreplaceable. No matter what we are faced with, I can say that my family is mine.  We are one, we are united and we stick together. 

Shout out to my family in 2019, I have leaned on them immensely this year and boy did they provide the support that I needed, the support my kids needed and the support my husband needed.  I can say that rolling into 2020 with my family, I am confident that I am in the place that I need to be with my family right beside me.

As the lyrics to the best New Year’s Song depicts, A hard one gone, got kicked around.  Get back up and down again.  Life’s a sweet and bitter blend.  Here’s to good times yet to come.  One More trip around the sun.

Happy New Year Everyone.  On to 2020.  From our Family to yours.

Beautiful, Crazy Miss K

Oh my Beautiful, Crazy Miss K.

What an eventful past few days it sure has been for our one of a kind Miss K.  Life sure does hand you a lot of lemons lil Miss, but you make some sweet lemonade out of them.  It seems your story is one that a lot of people do not know a lot about, so in case people want to know the background behind that smiling, never giving up face, mama is here to help tell it again.

Even though you came into the world fast and furious, you made sure that everyone knew you were here to stay.  You had those nurses in the NICU wrapped around your fingers and for those 9 days of your stay and you fought from your first breath to make sure everyone knew your presence was to be known from your first breath forward.  Crawling was hard for you and even though it took you two years to walk, you soon learned how to run.  You sat in the back seat of the car for all of the never ending trips to Shriner's over the years and let the doctors poke you and sat still for MRI's and through the needles and therapy sessions you were really a champ.  You really try the hardest to make all of your goals each time you are given one and that is why you are one of my biggest heroes.

You've grown over the years to run, swim and play with your friends and accomplish bigger and better things like playing softball with some wonderful girls and awesome coaches.  Crossing home plate doesn't happen very often for you, but when it does we make sure we cheer extra loud for you and so does your coach.  We are so proud of you when you do these amazing things.  As you have grown up Miss K, so many people have grown to love you and your spirit and all that you can do for you and so many people like you in the world and in your community.  You have so many friends big and small Miss K.  This is why we love you so very much.

Now, to the outside world, it sure looks like you are one spoiled kid doesn't it?  Does having a disability make you spoiled?  Does your legs hurting if you walk a long ways make you spoiled?  How about not being able to write all of your assignments with the rest of your class and needing to use special tools so the kids look at you funny.  Does that make you spoiled?  I know... it has to be the special, custom made bike that Mom and Daddy made for your birthday so that you could ride a bike just like all of your friends.  That surely must be what makes you spoiled.  Well let me tell you what lil Miss K.  If anyone ever tells you that you are spoiled, you just ask them if they like to be running and playing like a normal kid and then tell them that THEY are spoiled.  What you do every day  battling your Cerebral Palsy is harder than what most kids do every day and we are super proud of you for that.  You are my beautiful, crazy Miss K and nobody else does it better.

Tomorrow, you get to go back to the Dr after your horrible awful week in the hospital.  You were such an amazing patient in the hospital this last week.  You didn't cry when they poked you, you listened to mama and listened to Dr. P when he told you how to take your meds and what you needed to do to go back to school.  You really were the best of the best and you let those nurses know who was boss.  You made jokes about when it was time to take your meds and you even named your IV Pole "Buddy"!  Who else can be the best 9 year old in the hospital at your age?  My beautiful, crazy Miss K, that's who. Through life Miss K you are going to have ups and downs and I know that this next year, you are gonna tell life who's boss and make the most of everything you do.  Everything else can just say, adios... see ya next time because Miss K, you're takin' the highway to the good life.  Nothing can stop you now.