It all started with a boob cake...

Tonight I decided to write about...  My cupcake story.

So, if you are a friend of mine or my sister Katie, you have probably heard the word "cupcake" come out of our mouth at least once a day for the past oh...  month.  We have recently been preparing for what has been the the BIGGEST cupcake order our little kitchens have ever seen in this history of Cloud 9 CaKery.  What is this huge project you ask?  Well, let me tell you a "little" story. 

In 2010, Katie and I went to a wedding.  We saw a not so beautiful wedding cake/cupcake display and afterwards we discussed and thought that dang, we could really do better than that and maybe make a little money.  Later that fall, we took a cake decorating class at the college as something fun to do with Mom and Becky.  Our cakes weren't fabulous but they were fun.  We got to learn how to use the decorating tips, how to make the cakes more moist, what to use in frostings to make them color darker or lighter, etc.  It was something that we still use to this day.  After the class we made a couple of cakes for Christmas and for our kids' birthdays but nothing major. 

THEN, a friend of mine had posted that her husband was having a big birthday on Facebook.  She wanted a "boob" cake and wanted to know where to get one.  She was desperate she didn't know where to go.  No one was answering, everything was costly, nobody had a clue where to go.  So, I chimed in.  "I might be able to help but no promises, I've never done one before!"  Well, let the excitement begin.  I made that boob cake and the party was a success.  After that my brother-in-law wanted one and then my daughter's birthday came and she wanted a doll cake.  MAN, cakes were HARD!  I was going to have to start charging more and I needed help.  FAST. 

So, I recruited my sister.  It was originally her idea to even DO the cupcakes in the first place.  So I essentially stole her idea and ran with it, then asked her for help in getting it going off the ground. 

I had originally started calling the business Cutee Cakes.  When Katie joined up we decided to make the business more about both of us.  We thought that when you take a bite of your cupcakes you feel like you are on "Cloud 9" so then we added that.  Then we decided we didn't want to be a bakery because we weren't selling bread or muffins or cookies or anything.  We were a cakery!  Also, since the letters for both of our first names were in "cakery"  We spelled it like this...  "CaKery"  We capitalized and accented the C and K in CaKery so that people would recognize it was OUR business it was our idea.  That spring and summer we started doing special orders.  We did weddings and baby showers and birthday parties, everything you could think of.  Then, we took on a whole new adventure.

That fall Katie and I started selling cupcakes twice a month at the Scottsbluff Winter Farmer's Markets.  Holy cow.  Our cupcakes were an instant hit.  We were sweating from the beginning of each market for about an hour and a half in and then we would sell out or almost sell completely out and finally get to sit down.  People would not get enough of the cupcakes.  We would try different flavors every week. 

I think at the end of this past year we had invented 37 different flavors, we haven't had time to count how many new flavors we did this year.  We have done The Scottsbluff Winter Farmer's Market for the past three years.  It is always a great atmosphere around the market on Saturday's we enjoy the crowd. 

Then, Nebraska Life Magazine called.  We were like.. what the WHAT??!!  We did an amazing interview for them!  We had fun doing the pictures with Jessica and WE WERE IN A MAGAZINE!!

During the summer months, we usually take somewhat of a break but we take some special orders if time allows.  Once in a great while we did a summer downtown market, but the elements do not get along well with our cupcakes! 

The next big thing on our radar is The Cattleman's Ball of Nebraska.  About a year ago, a chef at The Steel Grill was mentioning that they were thinking about bidding out to help cater this event.  In conversation, I jokingly mentioned that they should hire out the dessert for the event and that Cloud 9 CaKery would cater.  Well, about 2 months ago guess who called??  Never did I ever think we would get this gig.  Was I scared?  HELL yes!  Did I think we could do it.  Oh yes, never a doubt in my mind have I thought so.  We only have a couple of speed bumps but we will just slow down the pace and get it done by deadline instead of early!

Now time for the sad part of the story.  In July, I will be losing my partner, my best friend, my sister.  Katie and her family will be moving out of state.  She may decide to carry part of Cloud 9 CaKery where she moves to and I fully intend to carry on my part of Cloud 9 CaKery as long as my time will allow.  I am intending to go back to college in the fall and without my partner here our orders may be harder to fulfill.  As of right now I intend to continue the Farmer's Markets in the fall because that really is my favorite part of our business.  If it gets to be too much because of my homework or schooling, obviously my education will come first, but this business is too dear to me to just drop. 

So, for now I'll keep it going.  It will not, however just be mine.  I am keeping it open to Katie and myself.  I owe a lot of the business to her and maybe someday she'll move back, we never know. 

Thank you everyone for your wonderful, amazing support of Cloud 9 CaKery over the past three years.  We appreciate all that you have done for all of us.  We will post pics of the cattleman's ball soon!!

Splashing Through Those Puddles of Life...

So the puddles in our life just seem to keep growing.  You better get your waders on...  there will be some splashing going on soon. 

Most of you already know that about 2 months ago while I was off during surgery I received Kherington's diagnosis letter from her visit with the Genetics Clinic.  They diagnosed her with spastic diplegia which is a form of Cerebral Palsy.  Unfortunately, we did not get the letter until about 11 months after it was sent and we did not know much about her care and therapy for the diagnosis. 

Well, as a follow up we decided, with the help of her Dr., to take her to Children's Hospital and set up a treatment/therapy plan for her besides the regular help she was getting daily at School.  If you don't already know, Kherington is enrolled in the Scottsbluff Public School Pre-School program and is under an IEP.  This helps ensure that she receives physical therapy as part of her education and any other therapy that they feel she needs as part of her development above and beyond what normal education requirements might be. 

While we were in Denver last week, she was observed by two different doctors for over two hours.  During that time they decided that they did not agree with her diagnosis.  They did not see anything that would make them believe that she had Cerebral Palsy.  They said she had a few things that were related to clumsiness, prematurity, and extreme flexibility.  One of the terms they used was hypotonia.  Other than that, I have no idea what they were talking about.  They said they didn't want to "label" her with Cerebral Palsy unless they were completely sure.  They looked at her MRI it was completely clear, they were convinced that it was NOT Cerebral Palsy.  So, although confused, I was a little relieved but not satisfied. 

Yesterday, we were given the opportunity to visit the Genetics Clinic again as a follow up for her first visit a year ago.  Well, what a whirlwind that was.  That doctor was angry.  ANGRY.  He was SO upset that the Denver doctors did not want to diagnose her correctly.  He showed me the specific signs of her disability, WHICH I had seen which is why I had taken her to the damn clinic in the first place.  Oh man I was angry.  He then proceeded to tell me that if she did not start having more severe therapy and more consistent therapy that she will be having surgery, and could possibly be wheelchair bound within 5 years.  He also said that braces are a high probability right now depending on what the therapist says.  However, according to Denver, she's just extremely flexible, premature, and will grow out of it...........

So.  What the hell.  How in the hell are you supposed to take that news??  Are you freaking kidding me right now?  The surgery is heel chord surgery.  Some cases are successful, some are not.  My sister had it and hers was NOT a success story.  Wheelchair bound in 5 years without therapy???  Braces???????  HOW DOES A DOCTOR MISS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ugh I am so angry right now.  So she falls behind and doesn't get the help she needs because a couple of doctors who are supposed to be some of the best.  They just think she is premature and will "catch up eventually".  How could this happen?  I can't even fathom right now what would be happening if I didn't take the time to do the follow up at the Genetics Clinic and accepted Denver's diagnosis just THINK of what would have happened?! 

What a mess...  what a MESS.   Unbelievable.  Hopefully things will start falling in to place now.  She will get the help she needs and we will all move forward starting now.  It is a damn good thing I have my Mother and Father there to help me recognize and fight for my daughter.  Jesus help me stay calm and together.  For my family and for my kids.  We can do it, eventually we will get there.

OLIVER

Oliver.

What kind of friend are you anyway?

So we all say it, we all hear it...  If you need anything let me know :) ( big old smiley face at the end of the text) or a little hug at the end of your conversation.  Who really means it when they say it?  Well, I like to say that I am the type of person who means it.  I try to take time out of my day to personally text, message, or email someone if I don't have time to call them if they aren't feeling well or going through a tough time and say "Hey, hope you are feeling better." or "Hope your day is better today."  or "Hope you have a great day today."  On the same note if a close friend of mine is traveling I will send them a little message to let them know I am thinking of them and to travel safe. 

I really started thinking about this today on my travels home and I only have a couple of these friends.  Very few who even call me unless they need something.  I don't have anyone to cry with lately, nobody who gives me that time of day.  I'm not trying to be "that friend" but come on man...  I am one of the friendliest people ever I think.  Maybe I am too overbearing.  Maybe I am TOO friendly.  I guess.  It could be that I do too much for people.  Maybe it's because I try to buy their friendship by doing favors for them, and running them a soda if they need one or baking them cupcakes last minute for half price or some of the many things I do.  I guess I've always been that way.  I'm gullible.  I'll do anything to make someone like me.  It's a horrible habit to have.  Probably a disorder or something I'm sure.  If I saw a psychologist she would probably tell me what an idiot I am.  I'm not asking for much, just a simple text of hey how's it goin once in a while would be awesome. 

If you don't know by know I consider my close friends to be my family.  Once I build a trust with you, I let you in to my life and my children's lives and they develop a friendship with you.  They learn by what they see.  To me friends are family, I treat you the same.  But, like I said I don't have many close friends.  I'm  not going to say I'm going to stop, but I'm going to try to change just a little.  Sometimes it hurts.  Sometimes it feels like I'm being used. 

Then it comes to a weekend like this weekend.  Friends for 20 years.  We talk via text and Facebook and occasionally on the phone.  This happens with most of my friends from Wood River.  At least Shae, Crystal, Lance and Heather.   We don't see each other forever.  Then we are together and it's like we never missed a beat.  We didn't even leave.  We never stopped talking, like I just talked to you yesterday.   Nothing is expected.  I can cry with you, I can laugh with you and I can hate you and you can hate me.  Tomorrow it will be all good.  Why is it so different and so hard to make such good friends once you leave?  Don't get me wrong.  I have my Nig, and I have good guys that I have met in the past couple of years and they are so supportive but since they travel and live out of town I rarely see them.  When I do though, it is something special. 

I guess what I am trying to say is Thank You.   Thank you to those close friends of mine for being the kind of friend that I try to be.  I'm sorry if I am overbearing and if I seem to push myself on you.  I guess it's just the way I am.  I don't mean to come off as a bitch.  I am a much better writer than a talker.  So if it's just a text you get from me, I apologize.  Also, I'm a forgetful person.  I try, I get busy, my kids are consuming, and then I hit the couch and I zone out on the TV.  I try to answer texts, emails, messages, but...  somewhere some get lost.  For that I apologize but it's me :) 

The good thing is.  I'm back to cupcaking.  Something I love.  Markets start in a couple of weeks here and go until April with my sister.  I'm going to try my best at Les Mis auditions in a couple of days.  Even though I have to plunk it out on my own on the piano, I'll hopefully get it!  I'm so super excited and nervous about it.  Les Miserables is my most favorite musical of ALL time.  I studied it in High School.  I saw it live twice.  I recorded the 20th Anniversary and watched it probably 5 times.  I had the CD's on my desk at work forever and would listen to them intently when I had lots of programming to do.  Oh I'm just rambling now but I'm so super excited about it!!! 

So as the weekend wraps up, I'm glad to have been a part of the celebration for Travis this weekend.  It was great to see the close friends that we have all gathered up in Gothenburg to wish him a Happy Birthday.  I just can't wait until the next birthday.  Who knows what we will come up with next!!

Giant Raindrops in the Puddle of our Life.....

What a whirlwind month this has been for us.  On July 15 as you may have read in my previous blog, I went in to finally get answers and scheduled surgery for yesterday, the 28th of August.  Unfortunately the scheduler was not friendly and very unorganized, so it was very rushed.  I was forced to get all of my pre-op appointments in within 2 days and when I went in to my anesthesia appointment they had to "google" my MTHFR disorder.  I was very uneasy going into the surgery yesterday, however it was successful. 

My surgeon was able to find pieces of endometriosis growing on the outside of my colon, my bowels and a small amount around my uterus.  She took whatever pieces off that she could and then she sent that off for testing, she has also informed me that she knew of a medication I could be on with the blood disorder/mutation and we should be able to treat it to prevent it from coming back.   After the surgery I was in a lot of pain, I tried not to take the pain medication at first but I learned quickly that was not the smartest decision.  They also said that the reason that the pain would take me almost to my knees each month was because where the pieces were located.  Hopefully this will help with the pain now, she said it will most likely not be immediate but it should subside eventually.

Now, on to bigger things...

For about a year and a half we have been struggling with wonder and doubt of what may be going on with Kherington.  We have been to clinics, doctors, through MRI's, cat scans, blood tests, therapy, IFSP programs and she is now in an IEP program.  Over the summer we would go to the pool a lot and while swimming she of course would not wear shoes.  It was during that time that I started noticing her feet.  Without shoes or any support they curved inward when she would walk almost to the point where she was walking on her ankle bones.  At this point I was done dealing, I was done messing around.  So I started making phone calls, my Mom started making phone calls.  Together we accomplished a lot.  We were able to get through to Shriner's and find out about their programs.  We were also able to find out that Kherington was in fact diagnosed with something in November of LAST YEAR but we were not given a copy of the letter with her diagnosis.  I am sure this was not on purpose, but at any rate we didn't get the letter.  Today the letter came.

Her overall diagnosis was Spastic Diplegia of Prematurity. 

Spastic diplegia, historically known as Little's Disease, is a form of cerebral palsy (CP) that is a chronic neuromuscular condition of hypertonia and spasticity — manifested as an especially high and constant "tightness" or "stiffness" — in the muscles of the lower extremities of the human body, usually those of the legs, hips and pelvis. Doctor William John Little's first recorded encounter with cerebral palsy is reported to have been among children who displayed signs of spastic diplegia.
This condition is by far the most common type of CP, occurring in almost 70% of all cases.

Wow.  Just WOW....talk about a shock.  I was not expecting that.  In my heart I have always known that she had Cerebral Palsy.  However, I was expecting that this letter would be vague and have no diagnosis.  My heart sank instantly.  I did not cry, I just sat staring at the letter.  Knowing I had to be tough for her, thinking of the long road ahead...  remembering.

Several of you do not know this but my sister Becky also has Cerebral Palsy.  Growing up with it and seeing it for the past 35 years of my life I knew that Kherington had it. I would see signs of it in her facial expressions, the way she would grip her hands, her teeter in her walk, the way her feet turned.   There were so many similarities between Kherington and Becky that I could not dismiss it.  I would not dismiss it.  Becky's case was far more severe than Kherington.  Kherington is walking AND running on her own.  We were never that lucky with Becky so we know that this should be a good sign.  Kherington is reaching her milestones on her IEP very quickly, however she is a long way from her goals.  She has A LOT of work to do and it will require intense physical and occupational therapy.  Our next steps will be to get help.  We will apply to get her disability recognized so that if our insurance doesn't cover something money will not be the reason she does not have what she needs.  Then we will go to a cerebral palsy specialist and take it from there. 

There are going to be long roads ahead but I feel very, very fortunate that my family is strong and supportive about this.  They are knowledgeable about her condition and that is something that will help all of us on the path we will travel.  When I first started this blog I titled it Raindrops in the Puddle of Life.  Well, this is a giant raindrop in our puddle of life.  We will stand strong together and pray.  We will get through it as a family.  With the support of them and the friends who are there for us nothing will hold us back.  <3  She will prevail and she will be everything she can be and more!

The Hand That Life Deals Us

Every single day we are forced to play the hand that life has dealt us.  Well I have not been playing that hand very well and I apologize.  Today I can finally, FINALLY explain somewhat why I have been such a grouchy old bitch.  (Besides my normal personality of course!)

So, over the past year I have gone back and forth with my doctors about my gall bladder.  I have had the HIDA Scans, the ultra sounds, the blood tests, tried eating the different foods, the pain killers...  ALL of it.  Overall it was decided that my gall bladder was abnormal but not abnormal enough to remove so I was told to deal with it.  With pain killers.  Thankfully I have an AWESOME Dr, who doesn't over prescribe the painkillers.  He wanted the gall bladder to come out but could only do what the surgeon told him to do.  So...  that was that. 

Well, over the months (yes months, this started last August) the pain was getting far worse.  Not to mention the pain was on the wrong side of my body.  I was a complete and total bitch to anyone around me for about three weeks out of the month.  After talking to Leon about it and thinking about when these stabbing pains were happening each month I decided I thought it had to do with my woman calendar (I'm trying to be less gross about it!).  So I called my doctor and told him I thought I had some cysts and without asking questions scheduled me for some ultrasounds.  The results came in and I had no cysts.  Good and bad.  Damn it.  Still no answers.  The one thing they did find was varicose veins in my pelvic region.  This was caused from the severe DVT I had back in 2009 that started in my abdomen.  They said nothing can be done about that, just again, pain killers.

Well I was about tired of the pain killers answer.  So, finally the Dr and I had a heart to heart.  We tracked it all out on the calendar because at this point I had been writing down how many days of pain, where there was pain, when I had to take a pill, when I even had bowel movements.  It was that bad.  I had to track it all.  At that point he had it down and he laid it all out on the table.  He said he was certain I had Endometreosis and that he was sure it had spread into the organs on the left side of my body.  If that was the case I would be going in for a full hysterectomy.  Well.  Fan-FREAKING-tastic.  So we go from gall bladder removal to 6 weeks off work.  Nice.  He did say depending on the intensity of the endometreosis the surgery may not be so horrible and I may not miss that much work so that gave me some hope.

A month later I finally got in to see a gynecologist.  She is the one who helped my doctor do the emergency C-Section with Kherington.  I do not trust many doctors out here but I trust her.  So I waited until she was available.  After long conversations and one feel that about threw me off the table in pain she was convinced without any tests.  She has said for now we are going with outpatient surgery.  She will be exploring to see how deep and spread out it is.  Laproscopic is her goal, she said it is common but all of my factors make me high risk.  (AWESOME YAY!)  The MTHFR that I have is a uncommon string of MTHFR and so with that I cannot have any hormone treatment at all.  I have to have blood thinners during the surgery because they are worried about me clotting, and if it is spread I'll be in overnight and we may still be dealing with hysterectomy.  If we do hysterectomy I'm still on no hormones.  (Ya'll better watch out if that's the case LOL!) 

SO...  with that said I'm sorry I'm such a bitch lately.   Most likely I'm in pain and I'm smiling through it.  I've been feeling like shit for about 11 months straight but I'm dealing with it.  If I've canceled plans on you I apologize.  I am glad that we finally have answers.  It has been hurting me for a long long time.  I am so glad that I have Leon here to support me and accept me even when I want to shoot him in the face because my pain is so horrible and I just want someone to hurt as bad as me.  I know this is a common thing and no one should feel sorry for me.  I just want people to know I am sorry for being such a crab lately! 

Thanks everyone for everything you have done lately!!

That's my job

So, what do you do?  A lot of people ask me that....  I'm here to tell you that and probably a WHOLE lot more.  That's my blog.  More than you want to know right?  :)

So over the weekend a good friend jokingly poked fun about me not doing my share and how a little manual labor wouldn't hurt me.  Well, unfortunately that little poke hurt more than they knew so I'm here to explain why.  Why it hurt me so deep, and why I am constantly freaking out about my job.  OH and by the way I'm not here for people to feel sorry for me, I just want people to understand when I get pissed about comments of this nature...

I have a strong work ethic.  My father has always taught me to be a hard worker.  I grew up on a farm, feeding calves and gathering eggs at age five and six.  When we moved off the farm and to Salt Lake City I was lost.  I hated it there.  I missed Nebraska with everything I had and would cry to go back "home" all of the time.  When we finally moved back my Dad went through hell trying different jobs and it was horrible for our family.  He finally did find the right job and started at the bottom of the totem pole and worked his way up.  He never called in sick, he worked graveyard shifts, he worked his ass off.  He did what it took to support his family.  Work ethic.  He taught me what it meant to work and respect your job and be thankful that you can live in a country where you can be free to work for a wage and not forced to work like a slave. 

I started working at age 11 and have not stopped.  When I was 11 I worked harder than some adults do now!  I worked in the corn fields.  A lot of the people out here don't even know what rougeing or detassling is but it is damn hard work.  You get your ass up at 430 in the morning every morning.  INCLUDING Saturdays all summer long.  And you work out in the corn.  For the first half of the summer you carry a hoe with you through the fields and cut wild corn and dig out weeds.  The second half of the summer you detassle.  Sometimes it is raining.  Tough shit.  Sometimes you are walking through mud.  Too bad.  Sometimes you are walking through stinky, irrigated rows that are moldy water.  Oh well.  You get corn rash, you get corn cuts on your face and neck, you get sun burned and dirty, tired and sore.  It's manual labor alright.  More than a damn 11 year old should probably do that is for sure.  I did that until I was 15 because I couldn't get a job anywhere else legally.

During the summers when I was 13 and 14 I also mowed yards in the evenings for the elderly and disabled and got paid by the State of Nebraska.  Sometimes the old ladies would give me a five dollar bill to fill their bird baths or extra money to mow the weeds by the flower bed because they knew there were snakes in that garden.  I did this on top of detassling.  (two jobs at age 13 and 14 in case you lost count)

When I was 15 I had my first real job.  I took on Salad Bar Prep and Table Busser at Dowd's in Alda!  OH those days were fun!  It was seriously one of my favorite jobs.  I kept that job until I was almost 17.  While I worked there I also worked at Valentino's.  (yep 2 jobs again)

After working 2 jobs at once for those years and once I started really getting involved in stuff in choir and boys (lol) I started working one job and went to ITI.  Telemarketing but man it paid well!  During the summer of my junior year I worked at the hotel in Wood River and then I took it on Full Time after my Senior Year and started up 2 jobs again.  I just couldn't give up the money.  Well pretty soon I started getting burned out on working so much and started blowing off the good job and got myself fired for the first time ever.  I was heartbroken.  What an idiot!  I thought for sure my father would kill me but at least I had a backup job :) 

I tried to go to college but that just didn't groove with my work schedule.  I was working way too much to go to school so I had to quit about a year and a half in.  I tried to work different jobs in college to make the school schedule work but I just couldn't do it and pay my bills.  I wanted my new car too badly and I wanted the money.  I just couldn't part with it.  My job was too important to me at that time. 

Every job that I have had I started at the bottom.  I am only 35 and have already worked for 24 years with probably 8 months off total in that entire time.  I was never given a job without applying for it and fighting for it.  I have worked hard for everything that I have.  When I was laid off from Aurora I was devastated.  I worked hard to get to where I was.  I earned that position dammit.  I didn't know what I was going to do.  I was scared and lost all at the same time.  Now I have this job.  My job at housing.  Starting at the bottom, again.  Who knows where it will go.  All I can do is go in every day, work my hardest and see where it leads.  When I get home I am DOG ASS tired.  I worked HARD all day.  It is not an easy job.  If you all see the word government in the job, don't assume it is easy.  I don't even want to eat when I get home.  I just want to sleep.  All the time.  I don't want to deal with my kids, my bills, nothing.  BUT I do.  If you see me sitting down for three minutes, don't give me a hard time just give me a break please.  I feel like I deserve it. 

Now.  On to this part.  YES I can take a joke.  But, sometimes jokes hurt.  We ALL know that.  Sometimes you just have to know why right?  So, that's my story.  That's my job...  that's been my job.  It feels like forever.