Skinny-
Something a lot of girls want to be, also known as perfection. No matter how thin some girls get, they will never be happy with their weight. So ok, I have learned this the hard way the last couple of days. I am not "skinny" according to my standards. Thus, I decide I am going to take things into my own hands. Control the situation. It is all mental right? Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong! In a period of 48 hours I consumed about 1200 calories, burned almost 400 working out and only took in about 32 ounces of fluid. Yep that was fun when I was getting on the scale losing 2 pounds a day! Holy awesomeness! However, it was not fun to practically black out at my desk at work, have my boss so worried about me that he literally buys me water and tells me to drink it now, and make a trip to the Dr to get blood tests and figure out what is going on. I looked freaking amazing too let me tell you. Eyes all sunken in, HUGE bags under my eyes, dazed and confused. Literally. Yep, it was awesome. All I could see was the number on the scale going down. That was ALL that mattered. Well, guess what I hit my goal for Vegas and then some but I paid a huge price. It should not matter. IT SHOULD NOT MATTER! It doesn't matter how "skinny" or "fat" I am. My health should be what matters, not people's perception of me. I know that my real friends and my family don't perceive me as "fat" or "skinny". Only I do. So guess what, I'm still going to work out. I'm STILL going to eat less, but I am not going to have a goal. My goal is to be healthy and happy with myself. So, this week I have a meeting with a trainer to get to work on the batwings (as I like to call them). Then we will move on to pilates to work on toning. The stretch marks will never go totally away. My skin is so far gone I will never get rid of it all without surgical help, so I have to learn to love what I have been given. I am me. We leave for Vegas in 10 days! I am going to have the time of my life. Laugh with my friends and visit with some I haven't seen since graduation day!!! I am going to enjoy the little vacation from my kids and be over the moon excited to see them when I get home. Then, I will start planning for my next tattoo on the 14th of March. This one will be the big one that gets the ball rolling. It is my collection, my tributes to myself. I will never stop getting the tattoos or collecting the art. Luckily, I have an artist who knows me and what I have in mind for my ultimate dream collection. Things are moving FULL speed ahead in this little life of mine, but I wouldn't have it any other way... Don't you worry about me, because I will be fine. I just might need a little slap in the face once in a while :) | ||
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