Facing Fear in Every Storm

When we look up in the sky each day we see clouds, sometimes they are beautiful fluffy clouds passing through a wondrous blue sky and on other days we look up to see dark storm clouds rolling in up above.  A normal reaction for most of us seeing a storm rolling in would be to take cover, hide or seek shelter.  What scares you the most about the storm?  The lightning and thunder, getting wet from the rain or the fear of hail coming down?  Before you answer that question, really think to yourself.  What scares you the most?  Forget about the storm clouds for a second; what scares you the most out of everything in your life every single day?  Can you pinpoint your biggest fear?

There is fear in all of us, how you handle the fear and facing it and learning from it is what makes us stronger and helps us grow in life. Some of us spend so much time trying to avoid the things that we are afraid of that it can actually make us physically and mentally ill.  Feeling anxious is a normal, but when we are faced with fear the anxiety builds and sometimes it can force us into a depression.  Others will live their lives as a safe, boring life never putting forward any risk or excitement.  Sometimes we need to feel the rush of facing our fears to know that we are strong enough to overcome these steps in our life. 

Asking someone what scares them is so much more universally complex than it sounds.   When I ask myself this question, I look back on my life and it changes so often, I don't know what I really fear anymore.  Naturally, most of us fear change and every single day our world changes.  What will happen at work tomorrow?  If we are dating someone or married to someone do we fear leaving them because we don't want to change the situation we are in?  Are we just comfortable so we leave it as it is to avoid the change?  We naturally resist change.  Don't get stuck in a situation or in one place because you are avoiding it.  Step out of the box.  Fight the fear to change. 

Along with change, comes the fear of being alone.  No one can relate to this more than myself.  There are many moments, regretfully, that I have cried with some beautiful friends over conversation about being afraid of loneliness.  As much as we hate to admit it, we can all scream to the mountaintops that we are "loners",  "don't need anyone" and that we are "strong and independent"; but the fear of being lonely is real and relevant.  People may see my social life all over the place, see me out having "fun" all of the time, rest assured...  it keeps me from being lonely.  It's important to surround yourself with good friendships, people who make you smile and to keep those social interactions.  Life can still be great and you don't have to have someone on your arm to keep you going.  

Striking out or feeling rejected is just another fear that falls under all of these categories.  Is anyone seeing a theme here?  When you first started reading, I bet what came through your mind was... you were scared of snakes or spiders or needles.  In fact, when I asked myself that very question I answered with "dying in a fire".   In reality, that's just something I'm scared of... not an actual fear. So maybe, my question should have been; "What's your biggest fear?"  I could go on and on with fears that we all face every day.  The fear of getting hurt, the fear of being judged by others, or being inadequate.  Overall tying them all together fear is the real feeling of uncertainty.  

From day to day we don't know what will happen.  We can only get out there, face our fears and live life the way that we were guided to live it.  In one week it will have been an entire year since I actually put my wedding ring away and we actually said the final words that we had been avoiding for such a long time.  We let fear hold us both back from moving on or from helping our children grow because we were afraid of change, loneliness, failure, rejection, uncertainty, something bad happening, being judged or getting hurt.  When we let fear take over, we all lose.  Once we gain strength to face our fears, we all get the strength to live life and smile again.  Face the fear in every storm that blows through your life and you will be able to say, "Actually I CAN do it."  Breathe.  

As usual, words from another beautiful song...

"Tomorrow's another day.. And I'm thirsty anyway, So bring on the rain."

Harvesting the Crops After the Rain

 Throughout times in our life as also happens in seasons of a year we will go through a drought or a time of sadness.  We can feel sad, depressed or even without emotion.  In a drought the grass turns brown and needs watering, needs cared for and attention; much in the same fashion as we feel when we start to feel down.  

Every day when we wake up we are given the chance to breathe new life.  To live a fresh start.  It's normal and ok for everyone to experience times of sorrow, doubt and emotional times when we just don't feel like we are enough.  However, don't live there forever.  I lived there.  I lived there for a long time and it hurt.  It still hurts to see those old pictures, the look on my face and the sad in my eyes.  Every day wanting to try to start again, but something would trip me up and I would find anything that I could to give myself a reason to not get out of bed.  Spending my days sleeping, crying for hours on end with no real reason for it, and feeling that no one cared.  In my mind no one cared that I was in bed, no one cared that I was crying.  No one cared that my hair wasn't done or that I was gaining weight again or  that I hadn't changed clothes for three days....I cared, but I wanted so much for someone to care and in my own mind I had created the vision that no one did.  

Before I went through this bad time in my life I was such a happy person.  I had completely transformed myself.   My career was wonderful, I had an amazing self taught job in technology that made me feel established.  My bills were being paid and we were driving nice vehicles and buying a home.  Our kids were beautiful visions of sunlight that kept me smiling every day.  I had done a physical transformation and lost over 150 lbs, fixed my teeth to make my smile beautiful.  My life seemed complete.  It was my turn to give back.  

During my life I have always been a giver.  I give what I can.  Time, heart, money...   I give a lot.  I give chances, phone calls, handwritten letters even a hug or a smile.  For one single moment, my heart hardened.  I felt like my giving wasn't appreciated and that was a ridiculous mistake.  Never in your life should you give to get something in return.  I have never given to get something in return and for a moment I forgot that.  My life turned upside down.  My job went away, I felt empty and unappreciated.  I didn't want to give anymore when it seemed I was getting nothing in return.  I had worked so hard and for what?  Again, the first rule is to give without the expectation of receipt. 

It takes one positive person to help someone realize that life can be good.  We can make our lives better each and every day if you give yourself the chance to do so.  In recent months I have experienced a massive change for the better.  It feels so good to be the giver again.  Every day when I wouldn't get out of bed I could see the sadness in my kids' eyes.  I could feel the anger from others, but as long as I was doing what I wanted to do I didn't really care.  Was it what I really wanted to do?  No... but I couldn't for the life of me find a reason to get out of the bed and give myself to the daily routine anymore.  I had one person who would message me and call me every day asking for my list of five things that I was grateful for that day.  Eventually I started making it a point to wake up and ask him what his list was before he asked me.  Every day it would get easier.  That was his gift to me and I am so grateful to have received it.  No matter how much I argued and how much I wished to deny his gift when he first offered it to me, I eventually accepted it and my life is getting better for it each and every day.  Just today in discussion I told him he was the best friend I had and I meant it.  

Being a giver doesn't mean giving every minute of your time or spending every penny that you earn.  It's the little things.  Giving the little things get you through every day.  The good mornings, the smiles, the hugs.  Seeing the smiles in return and hearing the laughs, the gracious thank you coming from their heart.  That is what giving is all about.  

Still one of the favorite writings I've heard to this day comes from the song "Humble and Kind".  There's a final line of the song that says, 

Don't take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind...

Some stranger somewhere still remembers you because you were kind to them when no one else was.  I fully believe that and always will to this day.  Pay it forward and harvest the crops after the rain, because someday those crops will feed the hungry and you will always feel the gratefulness in your heart.